On a totally different note, though still St.-Paul-related, I was struck in the letter to the Romans not by Paul's sense of superiority (he certainly had been humbled) but by his passion. I feel that this man WAS the perfect candidate for fanaticism. He had studied, absorbed, and totally immersed himself in the culture of the Pharisees - he seems elitist, for sure, but never too cool to be a fanatic. I can't imagine anyone with anything other than fanatic status going out in search of Christians to arrest and kill.

But my mild disagreement with the last post ends with that slight variation. Paul is probably the most outstanding model of conversion that we'll ever see.

What hits me the hardest is Paul's insistence that God judges the HEART. It doesn't matter what you DO if your intention isn't right. I'm not so sure that the old saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is entirely correct. It seems to me more so that the disposition of our hearts is what counts - and if our hearts truly desire to do what God wants of us, then our actions will follow. Paul wrote in Romans "Do you suppose, then, you who judge those who engage in such things and yet do them yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God?Or do you hold his priceless kindness, forbearance, and patience in low esteem, unaware that the kindness of God would lead you to repentance?" We must get our hearts right first, if we want everything else in life to line up right.

It's that realization of the utter goodness of God - that's what would make us weak at the knees at the thought of doing anything but what He wants. How many of us go out of our way in all kinds of ways, big and small, to make those we love happy? The very thought of being the reason for a friend's sadness makes me want to throw up right here and now. But all too often we forget that our relationship with God works the same way. He's not right in front of us, so we don't think to be a friend to Him or to show Him love. We can't call Him from our cell phones, so we forget to give Him our time in our busy lives. He doesn't "need" anything, so we don't GIVE Him anything.

That's just wrong.

And if we don't love God, and I do mean LOVE God like we love anyone in our lives, we can't really love those others in our lives. C.S. Lewis wrote "In my love for a wife or friend the only eternal element is the transforming presence of Love Himself" and "By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we do now."

What's the point of conversion, of living, if not to continue to try to make ourselves better? Our love of God, our love of others, our love of the Church, our love of virtue, of heaven, of Mary?

Zeal. That's what St. Paul has that we should envy. Passion, zeal, love, fire, courage. It's all the same, really. It all stems from knowledge of Who and What God is, and from loving Him for it.

And again, in the words of C.S. Lewis, "Take it as one [wo]man's reverie...If anything in it is useful to you, use it; if anything is not, never give it a second thought."

(I pretty much quote The Four Loves like it's my job. You should probably just read it if you haven't and save me the trouble.)