I want to be where the light is.
"Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too. If I fly with the wings of dawn and alight beyond the sea, Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand hold me fast. If I say, "Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light" -- Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one." Psalm 139:5-12
"What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." Jn 1:3-5
"I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing!" Lk 12:49
There are perhaps too many things to say about love. About zeal. About passion. About what the truth should mean to us and for us. There are so many aspects of what it means to be consumed by the Holy Fire.
Saints upon saints have found all that they need to lay down their very lives for the sake of Christ the King within the sweetness of the Holy Spirit's intoxication. All the courage and zeal that could be found within a heart are necessarily enflamed when the soul seeks to be so filled and so consumed with Him.
There should always be a two-fold aspect to this burning, similar to what we hear about in the story of the widow with seven sons who all die rather than forsake their faith. It is about humility and purgation, and then it is about faith and trust. This is the process of a life entrusted to Our Lord in the Spirit, and especially if we are also dedicated and consecrated to his holy Mother, Mary. She who had no sin and who was the most humble was able to live in the greatest faith and deepest trust any human has ever known. She is our perfect model, for she is the most perfect imitator of her Son, and she is truly Spouse of the Spirit. Daughter, Spouse and Mother of God! Gifts completely unasked for, unmerited, simply given and accepted and loved and cared for and cherished in this pure Virgin's Heart.
Sorry, getting on a bit of a tangent (which is nearly unavoidable for me when I think about Our Lady), but back to the consuming fire! I am reading through the preparation for Consecration to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort, and yesterday's reflection spoke of the willingness to see ourselves as dust. Do we really want to know how sinful we are? Could we even handle it? I often fear I can't. If you love someone you want to make them happy, and to know that you are constantly failing to do this - it's a little disheartening. But only when it is conceived in that fashion. The TRUTH is that we are loved, infinitely, undeservingly, unconditionally, passionately, powerfully, purely, freely, consistently, faithfully, enduringly, perfectly. Yes, we will always fall short of this love. Yes, we will continue to sin. No, that will never separate us from his love if we are always seeking his mercy and striving to do better! He does not lose his children. We may wander off, but he always knows where we are, and he comes for us himself when we need him.
So to address our sinfulness, to acknowledge it, to look at ourselves... this is important. And ick! It is never fun. But we cannot fear what is brought to our souls by Perfect Love. If we invite Him in, ask to be cleansed, seek forgiveness, admit our failure and are truly contrite - how quickly he will heal us! And this is something we should do often, daily. Of course, the Sacrament of Reconciliation is absolutely necessary and should be frequented often, especially (and immediately) if there is any danger of mortal sin. But even outside of the beauty and gift of efficacious grace that comes to us through the Sacrament, we should daily be willing to acknowledge our weakness and seek the grace to be made whole once more.
This is what is so wonderful about the simple prayer of "Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in them the fire of your love..." To be warmed. To allow the fingers hot with the heat of holy love to melt away the ice from our hearts, to heal the aching wounds of our soul, to purge the darkness that clings to our mind, to burn within us so that there is no room for what is not of Him.
What would this world be like if we were all little St. Thereses or St. Francises or St. Pauls? What if "zeal for His house" truly consumed us? What if we could not stand still! What if all of our energies were constantly burning up for the sake of his Kingdom here on earth! If every breath was a prayer. Every struggle made a sacrifice. Every long day of work made an offering. Every tedious task made on behalf of those in need. Every boring conversation, every disservice done to us, every rude driver or unkind coworker or terrible day of traffic given up in love for another. What if every thought that was tempted to hate or jealousy was caught in time and turned to mercy and love? What if every darkness that invaded, every lie that tried to take us hostage, every temptation to self-love over self-gift was conquered at the door by the blaze of Love within our hearts!? We would not recognize our world.
How empty our lives often are. How hallow they become. Day in and out we fall away from community and family. Day by day we walk more on the path of solitude hoping to escape all the demands that threaten our meager existence, threaten to shatter our already-broken peace. Moment by moment we become more self-satisfied, more complacent, more accepting of our pitiful state. No longer does the realization of our humble presence make us weep! No longer do we lower our heads in shame. More often it is the safety of disinterestedness or indifference that blankets our ugliness. We do not grasp at crowns, but we do not balk at the image in the mirror. We are what we are, let it be.
World! Brothers and sisters, my friends, myself - Christ wept over us. He wept because we were not on fire. He wept because we were lukewarm, and were to be spit out of the mouth rather than ingested into the Fire of the Trinity. We cannot accept this! Why should we? Why would we prefer chains to freedom? Why would we like our putrid pens when we have the open door staring us in the face? "And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God." Jn 3:19-21 We cannot remain still! We cannot be at home in the dark. We were not created for it. We were meant to see. We cannot be satisfied with blindness. Right before the verses I just shared from John Christ says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him." Jn 3:16-17 This is the hope, the victory, the mercy, the truth, the delight, the joy, the life that is offered to us all! Oh, that we would not hesitate to take it.
Let us pray to be burned up. To have the grace to look at ourselves in truth, the grace to ask for the grace to look at ourselves in truth. Let us pray that we can be truly contrite, and be healed of our infirmary. Let us pray that we can learn to build up habits of virtue in our lives, and habits of prayer, so that when the enemy comes for us we shall stand in the light. Let us be thankful, always and in everything, even in our trials and failures, because they too lead us back to his Heart, back into the Fire of the Holy Spirit. Let us never lose faith.
Thomas a Kempis said,
“Love flies, runs, and rejoices; it is free and nothing can hold it back.”
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