No Greater Love

I had one of those evenings yesterday, when you think you know the plan, and then you discover that life had other ideas. Fortunately for me, this unplanned-plan turned out to be something very good.

My sister and I occassionally go to adoration together at a nearby chapel. Last night we ended up arriving just as our Lord was being moved from the adoration chapel into the church. There was a group who had scheduled a "Holy Half an Hour" and so those who were praying in the chapel were invited to go into the church to continue.

Benediction began as usual and I was under the impression I would be able to continue in silent prayer. However, what happened instead was a nice homily from a visiting priest on St. Maria Goretti and what it means to live our faith with heroism, and how important it is that we avoid sin at all costs.

One thought settled inside of me while I was listening to his encouragement, and I felt it needed to be shared. It went something like this:

Do you love yourself?

No, really. Think about the question.

Have you tried to love yourself?

I mean really love. Not just bear with, or accept, or put up with, or half-heartedly like from time to time...

Yes?

No?

How has that worked for you?

Have you found yourself satisfied by the love you can give yourself?

Have you felt fulfilled?


Father was relating words from 1950 when St. Maria Goretti was canonized (I could not find the original text), and said something like, "God is the greatest lover you could ever know."
Whether in my head or by Father's words I do not recall, but what followed was, "His love is the only love that will ever satisfy."
Of course, Father cited St. Augustine's famous line, "Our hearts were made for you, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you."

Yet, there is something to be said for this beyond the "obvious," if it can be called obvious. We are not only yearning for God, or restless for him.

We are seeking to fulfill what we simply cannot fill.

Whether we love ourselves or not (and hopefully you do love yourself to some degree), the love we offer ourselves is simply not adequate. This is why selfishness can be irrational, and why self-centeredness can cause us confusion, doubt, anxiety, frustration and sadness.

It would seem logical to say that you recognize a need (in this case, a fulfillment of self), and you recognize an answer or fulfillment for that need (in this case, love), and you seek to place what will fulfill the need where that need is. It is a simple step by step process. We do this to turn on the computer. Machine is off. There is a power button. We turn on the power and the machine is on. It seems so simple.

Yet, what we forget, or perhaps never know, is that what we recognize as an answer or fulfillment is not actually the proper answer or fulfillment. It is something we do as children. Have  you ever watched a small child struggle to get the shapes of the little blocks into the ball or into the board that has the matching holes for those shapes? They keep on trying to push the star through the square, or the crescent through the circle. It doesn't work, but they see two simple points: that the task is to fill in the empty space. They just are not able to realize that the space requires more than just matter to fill it, it has a shape, and that shape has a meaning.

My friends, I am not a fan of the "God-shaped-hole" in us, so please don't sing that to yourself right now. The analogy is deeper than that, much deeper. We are not all carbon copies of one another who simply need to fit in the "ten minutes of prayer" card or the "church on Sunday" block to make things work. We do not function like machines. We are people. We are human. We are each a marvelous creation, so similar to those around us and yet a completely unique individual. Perhaps this is exactly why we seem to think that only we could love ourselves properly. Yet, this is so childish.

I only know my own heart as intimately as I dare to write here, so I will speak from it alone. I know that those times when I do everything I can to care for myself, make time for me, pamper just a bit, find solace in a treat or in some relaxing activity, I may relax. I may smile. I may feel less tired. I am not fulfilled. I am not happy. I am not happy in the way I intended myself to be after such efforts. I do not have the same joyful rush of laughter and peace that I do when I am spending my energies in other ways.

The irony of the perfect fulfillment of love being a generous gift from a lover we never see is that the best way to take up that gift and give it room to grow and flourish within us is to give of ourselves. Yes, it works. I promise. Haiti, for example, is one of those experiences that dramatizes this truth so well. You go and spend every day trying to make kids laugh, help build things, help clean things, basically just do anything you can to be at the service of those who are already giving their lives in service to those people... and you are happy. Sure, times can be hard. Yet, the love that moves through you to those little, darling faces makes some space inside of you and remains there, as a source of strength and fortitude while you serve.

This is what it comes down to: self-love is a good thing. You need to be grateful for life, and specifically for your life. However, self-love, when taken in the wrong context or to an extent that is not proper, can also be a painful and frustrating thing. ONLY the love of the Lord will be able to fill in and expand within every crevice and hole, every nook and cranny, every lofty ceiling and deep well that exists within your heart. Only that love has the light that can reveal mysteries to you of your own heart. Only that love has the strenth to continue to grow and build and sustain even when the world draws you to your last straw. Only that love has eyes to see into your past and your future and to understand you in all of your intricacies in the present. Only that love will be there tomorrow, when you wake up, and tomorrow, in the afternoon, when you are itching to get out of work. Only that love will be there in ten years, still flourishing, still overwhelming, still rejoicing.

Do you love yourself?

If you do, you will allow yourself to be loved by one who will always love you more than you could possibly have imagined...



This book is a wonderful read if you are interested in considering the Love of God for man more thoroughly: The Love that Satisfies, and this song by Watermark is worth a listen: Captivate Us.