The Humility of the Church

My friends,

I have been reading a good bit on the Church and her role as the Bride of Christ and the means of salvation for all men.

What I have noticed is a simultaneous emphasis on conversion. Perhaps that would not immediately strike you, since I think it is obvious that the way the Church is the means of salvation for all men is through the grace of God, specifically in the Sacraments, and especially through Baptism, Reconciliation and the Eucharist.

However, this emphasis on conversion was more than the usual note on how we are all sinners and how we need to turn back to God time and time again, trusting in his love and mercy (although that is completely true). This emphasis was on something buried deep within the heart, something that could take years to truly convert.

I have been reflecting on exactly what it is that sits at the bottom of the well, waiting for the light to reach down that far to touch it, and I know what it is; it is our pride. Our simple, human, stinking pride! This is no "new" insight, as we have all heard time and again that our pride can be our greatest downfall... but if we would only sit down and examine it! Like a science experiment, if we would just take out the magnifying glass and get really into what makes up our pride... If we would be willing to help that light shine down into the mucky places, we might actually see what ugliness lies dormant and waiting inside ourselves.

The point is, if you have ever prayed the Litany of Humility, you have probably thought about the fact that over and over again, the penitent does not ask the Lord for the grace to be humble, but the grace to desire to be humble. This is a very key element, because we do not always make the correlation between our desires and conversion. For example, we may want to be good, and may want to avoid sin, but that is not always a stronger "want" than the desire for the thing that is sinful. When it comes down to it, every decision that we make is a "yes" and a "no" to one thing that is good or bad, or even one thing that is good and one that is better, or sadly, sometimes between two bad things. No matter what, we still see something, someone, or an idea that we desire, that we want to participate in or with, that we want to give ourselves to, that we want to know on some deeper level, etc... That is the pull that brings us to our decisions, what we desire. So the Litany of Humility is so very appropriate, for it speaks not of our specific actions or even our decisions, but of our desires.

One might argue that many people choose to do what they do not really want to do out of obedience, loyalty, discipline, etc... and I agree, but only in part. Those who choose to do their duty still have a choice. Free will is not negated by obedience and duty, it is simply given direction and purpose. Therefore, the one who chooses to persist in a promise or preforms a duty even when other desires conflict, is making a choice for the desire that is greater within himself, which is the desire to be faithful.

So therefore, if we are going to entertain during this Paschal Time, during this Holy Triduum, the notion of conversion, repentance and mercy, we must first take the plunge into the wells of our souls to discover what desires lie deep at the base. We need to give them light. We need to help them to be properly ordered. Perhaps they are good desires, that do not need great conversion. Perhaps they are neutral, and need to know which way to grow. Or perhaps they are not good, and only through proper admittance of our faults can they be uprooted, and good seed sown.

I have been sick for a few days, and it has brought to mind so much that my health has helped me to "forget." How little man is, how weak and fragile the human body is, and how pathetic are my own attempts at accomplishing anything without the power and grace of God. This verse has been over my computer at work for some time, but only now do I begin to understand it more fully: "O Lord, you mete out peace to us, for it is you who have accomplished all we have done" (Is. 26:12). The enormity of our smallness is simply never going to stun us unless we allow the Lord to show us precisely how great his works are, and precisely how little are ours. Now is the time to do it! Now is the time for the Lord's Bride to prepare herself to receive all that the Bridegroom gives her - his very life, and life eternal! - in this Paschal Mystery. Now it is time for us, the People of God, his adopted sons and daughters, to prepare ourselves to receive the mystery and majesty of the Triduum in humility and truth, and to do so in joy and thankfulness.