"This saying is trustworthy: If we have died with him we shall also live with him; if we persevere we shall also reign with him. But if we deny him he will deny us. If we are unfaithful he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself."
- 2 Timothy 2:11-13
I need to write about the eternal state of love that is given. So many have said it before, and many will say it after me - it remains true throughout the ages, and therefore will continually be rediscovered by every heart that learns to love. Yet, that does not mean I must withhold.
Retreating back to childhood, I think about the important day when mom taught me what "indian giving" was. I wasn't allowed to do that, first of all. Secondly, what mom was trying to communicate was that a gift, in its very nature as a gift, once given, is given over wholly, completely, and forever. There was no "half-given" gift. I was either to allow my sister to "borrow" my clothes, or I was to just give them to her. I couldn't "give" them and then decide I wanted them back.
As we get older we find the lines can be blurred on whether something is a "gift" or just a "loan". Your housemate eats your food... it was yours, but now it's in their stomach. Gift? You didn't offer it. Or perhaps you did offer it, but in that hesitating voice that means, 'only if you're starving and you have absolutely no income should you accept this offer, and I know that isn't the case so you better say no.' However, it's gone now. Do you expect them to repay you? Buy you more? Even acknowledge that they took it? That probably won't happen.
So the conundrum faced is as follows: we understand the "black and white" of something freely given or something clearly not given... but what about all the in-between? What about when things are taken? How do we understand a Christian response that respects our dignity but comes from charity? The answer is probably to be found in that last question - Christ instructs us in Scripture to give, to be generous. He tells us not to expect to be repaid and to give more when someone asks than what they've asked for. Right after the Beatitudes in Matthew chapter five Jesus says, "If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well." The Lord is obviously not encouraging stinginess or selfishness here. Yet, some have more than others, and we have responsibilities to take care of ourselves and our families and so we are often challenged to find a balance between generosity and imprudence. To be conservative in our spending is not a bad thing.
The focus should thus be on our hearts, as it is for Christ. When he responds to the Pharisees about divorce, he says Moses allowed it "Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matt. 19:8). It is the charity that is either burning in our hearts or being put out by our fears that determines much of when we are generously giving and when we are either being selfish or being taken advantage of. It is important for us to learn to listen to our hearts, especially when it comes to money. If we are being moved to give, we will feel that tug inside. We should not fear, but listen to the voice of generosity within us, trusting that the Lord will provide. However, if there are those who consistently expect from us what isn't theirs, or who choose to take advantage of us, we are not wrong to refuse or to express that they are wrong. Listen to your heart to find the Holy Spirit leading you to truth. If you take time to decifer what your motive(s) is/are and what the truth in the situation is (removed from your initial emotional response), you will find clarity in the right action.
So back to "gift." As I mentioned, the Holy Spirit can teach you to learn to listen for his call, to feel his tug, to know when it is right to "let go." This is applicable in the small things of life, as whether you should call a friend or not, or go to an event or not, etc... but it is also very applicable in the larger things of life, most especially with those that involve all of your person. Issues of the heart, for example, very much require guidance. When is it right, when is it time, to "let go," to trust, to give someone else your heart? When is it right to disclose your love for another? When is it time to accept the invitation of another who is offering you the gift of their time, their heart, or even their life?
This is a deeply Eucharistic concept.
Before you, upon that alter, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in unity with the Father, Jesus Christ is made present. His very flesh is in the hands of his priest. He chooses, desires, does give himself to you. Not just a piece of himself or a part of himself. Body, blood, soul and divinity. He understands what "being a gift" is in its fullness. He holds nothing back. There is nothing else he could give you once he has offered you himself. That is saying a lot, since he is God. God has given you everything he is. He chooses to be in you. To come to you. To be part of you in an extremely intimate way. This is a great humbling on his part, a great stooping down to his children, unworthy as we are.
Reflect for a moment. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up right now? If you had to let something go? A computer you just bought? A car? A friend? Your mom or dad? A treasured memory of someone or a special experience? Think about Job. He had a great life - money, a wife, many kids, tons of animals and land... they all died in a day. House collapses and there's one servant to go tell him they're dead. He is stripped of all he has, except himself. He has his heart, and his will. His mind and body. The person he is remains intact. Everything else is gone. He faces a choice at this point - does he reject God, for he has nothing when he had everything, and this seems a harsh reward for one who was faithful and loving of God, or does he accept it, and in turn, give himself even more fully to God?
This is the point I am driving home - gift, as "free" as we may think it is, may yet have many layers to go. God leads us further and further down the path of self-gift because he yearns to be united with us in a deeply intimate way. He has already given everything he is. Can we say the same? Of course not! We may try, and we may succeed to some extent. Perhaps we have become so accustomed to letting go of the things of life and trusting the Lord that when things are removed from us we barely notice, or do not complain, or even thank God because it means he is teaching us how to more fully surrender everything to him. Yet, even the accustomed heart is not fully given. We will not be able to fully give ourselves to him until death, or perhaps at the resurrection of our bodies, when every part of us will be before his glory worshiping and loving him for eternity. For now, we offer him all we can: in joyful times, we give thanks and praise; in hard times, we offer our suffering and we give thanks and praise; in our daily decisions, our trials, our business, our bills, our friends, our families, our relationships, our hopes, our dreams, our responsibilities and expectations, or worries and anxieties and fears, our quiet times and our loud times, our mornings and our evenings... these we freely hand over. These we lift to him. These we unite to him. These we ask him to participate in, to lead us in, to teach us in, to make us new through them.
What is so beautiful is how this understanding of freely giving oneself in a total way is so clearly and easily seen through relationships, most especially between a man and woman in marriage. The process of coming to know and love one another (usually before marriage, of course) and of continuing to know and love one another more each day is an obvious analogy for the trust and gift of self we should offer to God above all. When you grow to love someone you learn not to be afraid. You do not fear allowing them to see your heart, your flaws and your good aspects, nor do you fear that they will injure you or disregard the gift you've offered them. Will they let you down? Of course. Will they fail to give you 100% sometimes? Of course. Will you feel like you're the one doing all the work sometimes? Yes. But the opportunity to give yourself over and over, to let go, to trust, to surrender, to have faith in another and their love for you - it is a beautiful mirroring of the true, faithful and full love of Christ and his invitation to you to respond with all you have.
Love is eternal. It does not end. Once given, even if it is let down, separated by time or space, or even by death, it cannot be taken back. Love is perpetual. It is the one gift that keeps on giving. It is like giving someone a plant that cannot die. It just keeps growing. It goes with them where ever they go. They can forget about it, neglect it, fail to water it, or even abandon it. It may not bear much fruit, but it will still be there. It leaves its mark. It forms a hollow space where only it fits, and the heart cannot extract it. Nor does it want to. Rather, the roots sink deeply in, and the heart thrives on the goodness of the love that grows inside.
Let us recall these three things: 1. Our God gives us everything he is, his whole self, body and soul, in freedom and truth, in his fullness. He invites us to receive this gift and to return it. 2. We learn to give all we have to the Lord especially through the gift of self we make to others each day, most clearly seen through the gift of ourselves to a spouse in marriage (or to the Church through religious life, I don't mean to leave that out, although that is a whole other reflection). 3. Love lives on, and we live through it and in it. We must never hesitate to give, to love freely, to forgive quickly and let go fully, to rejoice because we have been brought close to Christ by the gift of ourselves.
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