A few bedtime thoughts...

The essential question is this: What will man let the world be, and how will this affect man?

We do not realize the power of our own "letting be." We often feel victimized by pain, troubles, hardships, loss, sorrows, cruelty, injustice, selfishness, lust, jealousy, etc... We feel powerless before evil, and perhaps even more so before "cosmic fate."

But what do we mean by all of this? Who taught us such blatant passivity? Where did we learn to be swayed in the wind?

I think we stopped letting the world be the world, and in turn, we stopped knowing how to be in the world.

Little boys spend significantly less time learning about the growth of plants by getting their hands in the dirt these days than all of their predecessors.

Man is supposedly the crown of creation, and one could call him a microcosm of the universe. All of the intricate operations and processes, systems and communications that build together in some amazing symphonic relationship to be the walking, talking, acting and feeling man are not so very different from the processes and communications that hold the earth in orbit or cause the oak to grow.
I am not saying that man is not the unique and ultimate creature he is, but that man has always learned of himself from his encounter with the rest of creation.

In our day and age, this encounter is becoming more and more limited. I see many who still exercise, who still venture out-of-doors after the long hours in the cube. What I speak of is the medium of this encounter between man and the world. He does not go outside to see what outside is. This is a simple child's mentality, like the two-year-old who first discovers what sand is, and is perplexed. Yet, man is not supposed to set aside all childish things, and this loss of vision is a serious blindness for modernity.

Man still goes outside, but why? Because he must exercise. A bike, shoes, a kayak, roller blades, a bathing suit, a boat, a skateboard, a snowboard, skis, etc... there is always something to accomplish. Man has an hour, and must burn 500 calories. So, he will bike X miles at X pace, and go home to dinner feeling pacified. Or perhaps he exercises for competition, in which case he must cover X miles in X time to beat the other man.

These are not bad things, of course, nor bad reasons to do things. But they are also not enough, at least not always. If man is not going out to exercise, perhaps it is to learn a skill, or sport, or to be part of a group or club. Again, worthy causes. But does man join a group or play a sport for or of discovery? Oh, so sadly, I fear he does not.

No sitting still and observing for us! Too much to do, too much to do.

There is no time for the sitting and even if man so disciplined himself to sit and observe, what would he glean? There are trees. There is grass. There is a house. There are some cars. There is a deer. The observe-and-identify game is not the same as an encounter.

The Greek word paedeia means "to educate," but more literally means to "draw forth," or to "call forth," or to "unveil" what is already present. To go to the world, specifically to nature, to learn from it, rather than of it, may be a novel idea; though it is just as old as history, which is also becoming a novel idea to modern culture.

"What on earth could nature teach us? We've exhausted it already! We've been to the moon, we've de-planatized Pluto. We know why the leaves change color and what makes the rainbow. This isn't a mystery anymore." Bah! There you have it; modernity's definitive attitude about life itself. Life is not mysterious and it is exhausted.

Does this not terrify you, oh reader? Oughtenit?

There should most certainly be little alarm bells going off when the "living world," when "living creatures," when "life" is assumed to be already and thoroughly known! Could we be more naive?

Living. It implies growing. Breathing. Moving. Changing. Becoming. Going from certain potential into actualizing those potentials. Seed... tree. Seed has potential to be tree-producing-more-seeds, but as it is, it is a seed. Do we dare see it as it is?

Oh modern man! You have built up false walls around you! You have willingly donned black glasses to keep your eyes from the light of the sun! You have sought protection from what a living, breathing world might mean to all of your power and domination! Too risky is the truth for the confines of your little false kingdom.

You simply cannot let the world be!

But what on earth, really, on earth, does that mean for you? You, who are this microcosm, this crown, this epitome? If you willingly strip the real down to a "safe" non-real, what are you to do with yourself? You, man, are real. You cannot un-real yourself, even if you are determined to un-real the world.

It is a joke, and a very sad one. The Lord's words to the pharisees of being "blind guides" because they would not see reality is the truth of our entire modern culture. Nihilism, solipsism, you pick a name. Disenchanted confusion. Jaded disillusionment. Contented distractedness. Extreme fear.

Whatever the cause, the end is without a doubt the collapse of human society. Nietzsche gets some credit for noting that once man closes himself to God, he closes himself to life. There can only be one throne in the heart of man, and only one King can reign there.

The challenge begins with each of us, stepping out into the grass with our bare feet. Literally and figuratively, it will take us stripping down the techno-modern-walls of culture to get to the literal world that awaits us. What we shall learn cannot be predicted. Certainly, others will have learned it before us, to some extent. But never as we have learned it. Never as we see it. Not with our eyes, and not with our hearts. The encounter will be entirely new, and we could do the exact same thing tomorrow, and that encounter would be entirely new. Ah! The living world will not sit still. We must. We must greet it, and contemplate it. We need to understand that mystery is not dead, and neither is man.

Protecting Conscience

I don't really have time right now to cover what I want to cover, but this is what is going through my head. 

1. We have some issues with our legislation in this great Nation.

2. Conscience protection is weak if not completely lacking in the new health care Act.

3. The amendment to the Affordable Care Act, "Respect for Rights of Conscience Act," has been undergoing criticism.

4. I don't know much about politics so my thoughts are meager, but this is what struck me.

I emailed my representatives via NCHLA's call for action email system. (You should too!)

I received correspondence from one of my Congressmen. 

I had to respond because I could not agree with his argument. 

Please see below: 

His reply to the auto-email was as follows:

Thank you for contacting me to express your support for the Respect for Rights of Conscience Act of 2011 (H.R. 1179). I appreciate learning of your interest in this legislation, but regret that we must disagree.

This bill would allow virtually any health care provider to deny coverage for specific services without penalty. Although this would generally apply to abortion services, it could cover any medical service or procedure. H.R. 1179 would allow insurers to refuse to comply with existing federal, state, and local laws and regulations pertaining to abortion services, including referral for abortion services. Laws requiring the provision of abortion services tend to apply only in extreme circumstances, such as when a pregnancy is the result of rape or incest or when a woman's life or health is threatened by a pregnancy. But H.R. 1179 would allow health insurance companies and health plans to ignore these laws with impunity. This broad federal refusal clause therefore endangers women's lives and undermines women's ability to make their own health care decisions during pregnancy.

 

 

My reply to that response went as follows: 

Respectfully sir, when a bill does not accomplish the end in which it is meant for, it ought to be revised and reconsidered. If Respect for Rights of Conscience is in fact too vague or does not include proper restrictions, than I would ask why it is not being amended before being voted on. If it cannot be successful because its language is not acceptable, there seems little point in arguing over the bill itself. The issue is that the Affordable Care Act does not protect the American people's rights, especially when it comes to religiously or conscientiously objecting to certain medical procedures or functions (ie, abortion, contraception, sterilization, etc..). I believe the Respect for Rights of Conscience Act is attempting to solve that problem that came with the Affordable Care Act.

I am not someone who would pretend to tell you how to do your job, sir. I am someone who feels obligated as a citizen of a country I love to speak up for the defense of myself and many others who would be otherwise forced to support things which deeply offend my religious beliefs. I cannot support the damage done to women by contraceptives, especially the increasing infertility rates. I cannot stand by while mothers are continually hurt by the effects of abortions. I cannot support the killing of little children before they have even had a change to know this world. These are things I am confident that our founding fathers would have found inhumane and barbaric, and I also find them offensive to the beauty of human life.

I don't know, sir, if you have ever visited Auschwitz, but I have. I have seen with my own eyes what a holocaust leaves behind. I have felt the sadness and pain that surrounds a place where so many innocent lives were taken. I cannot apologize for saying that Americans are walking around, pretending as if we are not doing the exact same thing all over our nation's soil. But we are doing the same thing. There is no other way to express adequately that abortion is a way to dispel of a child who is unwanted. Sometimes it is for convenience; sometimes because they have been prenatally diagnosed with a deformity or disease, or the potential to have a genetic disease; sometimes it is because the mother has conceived too many children through IVF and the doctor recommends they reduce the number of children, etc...It is what it is, and calling it anything else is a lie. 

I respectfully ask you to do what is necessary to help protect the innocent, and the rights of American citizens across the country who do not support these things that are included under the umbrella of the Affordable Care Act. We are taxpaying citizens who deserve to have our voices heard just as much as the activists who are shouting that "free contraception" (which will not be free) is so wonderful. Please consider what I have said. If you feel you cannot support the Respect for Rights of Conscience Act, than please work so that it would be amended properly and would then be able to be supported. That is what law is supposed to be for, to assist in forming and supporting the common good.

 

 

Though it may have been a bit over-dramatic, I wanted to emphasize a point. Too often LAW is not considered in light of a) legal rights, b) the common good, c) the people. What, exactly, is the point if these are being overlooked or ignored? Law is meant to support the common good of the people, according to the will of the people who have elected representatives to work to formulate laws which will uphold and protect their rights and serve the greater good of the nation. I know that is not easy and often not how the world plays out, but I think that is the general idea. 

Anyway, I am one who studies theology and not law, so there may be many flaws in my argument. Yet, I needed to think about it, and I think others should too.

Sometimes what is needed...

Sometimes, what is needed is more than what we have.

I know you know the feeling.

Just another moment of holding your tongue so that the instance of anger or frustration passes and you can continue on in peace. Just another second of holding up the weight of the world on your shoulders so that the bills, the job, the family, and all of the demands on your time that come with living do not come falling down around you.

How did we get here? What on earth did we do to end up with so much responsibility, with so many expectations? What happens when we know we will fall short?

Many times in my life I have prayed the Litany of Humility hoping to turn back the tides of my pride and become a kind and gentle person. What I have found is that, in response to those prayers, I have ended up embarrassed, broken, lonely, hurt, scared, or some concoction of those. Perhaps I am not at my wits end, or at the bottom of a dark pit. Yet, broken is probably the only adequate word.

I know we all reach these points, because I see it happen to those I love. No matter how wise, how careful, how adapting, how patient we are, there comes a time (or many times) when life just gets the better of us. Rather, it takes the "better" and heads for the hills. And we get left with the "worse" and have to make the best we can. But trying to plug "worse" into a system where "better" was the necessary function just doesn't cut it. And the system falls apart.

I have to admit that there are times when I actually enjoy these stripped-down moments. Of course, all of the breaking and smashing is painful or at least uncomfortable. Yet, there is something so gloriously truthful about being broken down. I cannot help but love when the truth is known in a greater fullness. The truth is that we came from nothing. We were formed out of the dust, and we shall return to dust. Think about when you have walked through a cemetery. There are plenty of headstones there that you will never read, and that have no visitors. One man who has been lying there for one hundred years may be well out of living memory. Yet, when he lived, he too had a world built up around him. He had his family, his job, his social groups, his activities, his thoughts and his dreams. Consider how often we hold ideas and hopes that "one day" we might make a difference in this crazy world. Who is to say that he, too, did not have these hopes and work for them in his life? Yet, he has gone on.

We too, will join him. We will pass away, and some fifty or one hundred years later someone may walk past our headstone in a cemetery. All of the world around us that seems so big and strong and important, and perhaps the work that we do that also seems strong and important, will fade away like all of history does into memory.

That is in no way to say that what we do in life is not important - please do not mistake me. In fact, I think that history desperately needs to be rekindled in modern mind and heart, if we are to ever learn from the mistakes of the past and have hope to grow in healthy ways for the future. No, history is vital, and must ever be in mind for the living to truly understand where they have come from and where they are going.

For the sake of the reflection though, I mean to point out that we are simply not as significant as we often feel, or often would prefer to think we are. In light of this, it is rather honest when we end up broken down or feeling inadequate or weak. It is honest because we should realize just how much of "us being us" depends on "others being others" and above all, on "God being God." 

What if we couldn't pray? What if we couldn't call a friend? What if we didn't have the arms of our loved ones to fall into?

Sometimes what is needed is being the one who is weak. Sometimes what is needed is accepting our limitations, and accepting with gratitude the ways we are given to cope with those limitations. Sometimes what is needed is the joy that can be found when we surrender our strength and pride and allow God to be God, and our friends and family to love us in our need.

It is hard to know where we still have to go, how much room we have for growth, without first seeing the reality of where we are. It is a gift when we are put in our place, no matter how much it shames us. It is a gift to know in all truth how great the love and power of God is, which is all the more evident when we realize how little we accomplish without him. It is a gift to see the depth of love our friends and family have for us when we don't have anything to offer in return.

Sometimes what is needed is thankfulness for just how weak we really are.

The thing about abysses is...

Merriam-Webster says that the:

Definition of ABYSS

1 : the bottomless gulf, pit, or chaos of the old cosmogonies

2 a : an immeasurably deep gulf or great space b : intellectual or moral depths 

Meanwhile,  Dictionary.com says that:

a·byss

/əˈbɪs/ Show Spelled

–noun

1. a deep, immeasurable space, gulf, or cavity; vast chasm.

2. anything profound, unfathomable, or infinite: the abyss of time.

3. (in ancient cosmogony) 
a. the primal chaos before Creation.

b. the infernal regions; hell.

c. a subterranean ocean. 

So what is it, exactly, that an "abyss" is? A noun? A place? A symbol? A metaphor? 

How about "e. all of the above"?

I'll never forget the day I learned my friend Becca was attempting to make it to another friend's home (one of my favorite places in the world, I might add), and tragically took one turn too early, and ended up driving into the "dark abyss." I empathized with her mistake, because in the early days of going to Kate's house, I too found myself taken in by the "dark abyss." 

Now, in this case, the abyss can be a noun, because it is a title, but it is more a place (which is a noun, I know the definition of a noun, but I mean a geographical and topographical and tangible and intangible thing when I say "place," which requires more definition than simply a name). The "dark abyss" is a road that does NOT lead to Kate's house, but rather, down a long windy road that is poorly lit and suddenly brings to mind the story of Ichabod Crane. It is a place that one ought not to go, and does not wish to go, and yet, somehow, is there. 

Now what about figurative or metaphorical "abysses"? We all have them. The "dark hole" from which we do not wish to resurface when everything has been going absolutely wrong for some time. The "depths of despair" which we prefer to plummet into rather than fight against the strong downward current. The "endless road, stretching on and on in front of us, with no end in sight" which we seem to find just a wee bit more comfortable than the not-so-endless-road-that-doesn't-really-stretch-on-and-on-forever-and-ever-and-ever-but-unfortunately-does-have-an-end-which-requires-more-work-than-the-lame-non-ending-road. 

Whether those abysses for us are personal hurts which we cannot let go of, attachments to unhealthy activities or harmful things which wear us down or enslave us, fears or anxieties which hold us captive or keep us from true freedom, or any other lie that feeds on us and makes us into prey, we all face them. The question is, what then?

Fortunately, abysses don't have to be only negative things. It isn't only infinite regress that comes to mind. On the contrary, infinite goodness also shines forth. Moreover, an abyss of good might very well be the most authentic abyss there is. Evil, with all of its intricacies, manipulations, traps and trickery, seems terribly dull after close evaluation. The same cycles go over and over again, the same patterns wearily displayed. For all of its seeming greatness, evil tends to be stopped short. This is because it exists below or within the power of God. It is of creatures, even if those creatures are intangible or mysterious beings (here implying angels/demons). Likewise, sin and evil enter the world in and through the action of man, and since man is a limited being, evil is in some way limited as well. 

On the other hand, goodness is always surprising us, isn't it? When someone acts out in some evil or aggression, we are certainly horrified, saddened, upset, etc... but we are not necessarily shocked. When someone forgives an aggressor who, in justice, deserves punishment and reproach, we are amazed. This is because goodness (while certainly dwelling within us and being of us and us being of it, for we are created in love in the image and likeness of God) is of God. Goodness is a quality, and more than a quality, of God. Goodness is God's being, in so many ways. He is Love. He is gift. So goodness takes its infinite and limitless and boundless and eternal and abysmal nature from God! 

This is a quote from an Anglican spirituality book, but I think he hits the mark: 

"I am obliged to believe in an abyss of love which is deeper than the abyss of death: I dare not lose faith in that love. I sink into death, eternal death, if I do. I must feel that this love is compassing the universe. More about it I cannot know. I leave myself and all to him."

St. Margaret Mary Alacoque said so beautifully:

“This divine heart is an abyss filled with all blessings, and into the poor should submerge all their needs. It is an abyss of joy in which all of us can immerse our sorrows. It is an abyss of lowliness to counteract our foolishness, an abyss of mercy for the wretched, an abyss of love to meet our every need.”

I don't think I need to explain myself any further. We are going to come upon the "wrong-turn-roads" that lead us nowhere fast (in this case, "nowhere" is a place). We are most certainly privy to turning down those dark roads at times (dare I say, willfully!? or even, obstinately!?), and we are going to suffer the consequences of allowing sin to rule us, rather than love. 

Yet, at the end of the day, we choose our master. It is human nature to lose ourselves in things. We are creatures of passions, of obedience, of commitment, of generosity, and of power. We cannot survive in halfway life. We need, we year, we desire to give ourselves over, to be lost to someone else. The Lord has beautifully bestowed a gift of sensing in our hearts that stirs at the presence of what, and Whom, we wish to serve (and that goes for husbands, wives, priests and sisters as well as ultimately the Lord). We will know, we do know, when we are near abysses. It's just natural. We also know whether those abysses are leading to death or life. 

The triumphant abyss is the one which is a fiery furnace, that burns up all that is not good, and leaves us new and unblemished. 

The thing about abysses is, they can be infinitely good, or finitely bad. We have to decide where we fall.

No Greater Love

I had one of those evenings yesterday, when you think you know the plan, and then you discover that life had other ideas. Fortunately for me, this unplanned-plan turned out to be something very good.

My sister and I occassionally go to adoration together at a nearby chapel. Last night we ended up arriving just as our Lord was being moved from the adoration chapel into the church. There was a group who had scheduled a "Holy Half an Hour" and so those who were praying in the chapel were invited to go into the church to continue.

Benediction began as usual and I was under the impression I would be able to continue in silent prayer. However, what happened instead was a nice homily from a visiting priest on St. Maria Goretti and what it means to live our faith with heroism, and how important it is that we avoid sin at all costs.

One thought settled inside of me while I was listening to his encouragement, and I felt it needed to be shared. It went something like this:

Do you love yourself?

No, really. Think about the question.

Have you tried to love yourself?

I mean really love. Not just bear with, or accept, or put up with, or half-heartedly like from time to time...

Yes?

No?

How has that worked for you?

Have you found yourself satisfied by the love you can give yourself?

Have you felt fulfilled?


Father was relating words from 1950 when St. Maria Goretti was canonized (I could not find the original text), and said something like, "God is the greatest lover you could ever know."
Whether in my head or by Father's words I do not recall, but what followed was, "His love is the only love that will ever satisfy."
Of course, Father cited St. Augustine's famous line, "Our hearts were made for you, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you."

Yet, there is something to be said for this beyond the "obvious," if it can be called obvious. We are not only yearning for God, or restless for him.

We are seeking to fulfill what we simply cannot fill.

Whether we love ourselves or not (and hopefully you do love yourself to some degree), the love we offer ourselves is simply not adequate. This is why selfishness can be irrational, and why self-centeredness can cause us confusion, doubt, anxiety, frustration and sadness.

It would seem logical to say that you recognize a need (in this case, a fulfillment of self), and you recognize an answer or fulfillment for that need (in this case, love), and you seek to place what will fulfill the need where that need is. It is a simple step by step process. We do this to turn on the computer. Machine is off. There is a power button. We turn on the power and the machine is on. It seems so simple.

Yet, what we forget, or perhaps never know, is that what we recognize as an answer or fulfillment is not actually the proper answer or fulfillment. It is something we do as children. Have  you ever watched a small child struggle to get the shapes of the little blocks into the ball or into the board that has the matching holes for those shapes? They keep on trying to push the star through the square, or the crescent through the circle. It doesn't work, but they see two simple points: that the task is to fill in the empty space. They just are not able to realize that the space requires more than just matter to fill it, it has a shape, and that shape has a meaning.

My friends, I am not a fan of the "God-shaped-hole" in us, so please don't sing that to yourself right now. The analogy is deeper than that, much deeper. We are not all carbon copies of one another who simply need to fit in the "ten minutes of prayer" card or the "church on Sunday" block to make things work. We do not function like machines. We are people. We are human. We are each a marvelous creation, so similar to those around us and yet a completely unique individual. Perhaps this is exactly why we seem to think that only we could love ourselves properly. Yet, this is so childish.

I only know my own heart as intimately as I dare to write here, so I will speak from it alone. I know that those times when I do everything I can to care for myself, make time for me, pamper just a bit, find solace in a treat or in some relaxing activity, I may relax. I may smile. I may feel less tired. I am not fulfilled. I am not happy. I am not happy in the way I intended myself to be after such efforts. I do not have the same joyful rush of laughter and peace that I do when I am spending my energies in other ways.

The irony of the perfect fulfillment of love being a generous gift from a lover we never see is that the best way to take up that gift and give it room to grow and flourish within us is to give of ourselves. Yes, it works. I promise. Haiti, for example, is one of those experiences that dramatizes this truth so well. You go and spend every day trying to make kids laugh, help build things, help clean things, basically just do anything you can to be at the service of those who are already giving their lives in service to those people... and you are happy. Sure, times can be hard. Yet, the love that moves through you to those little, darling faces makes some space inside of you and remains there, as a source of strength and fortitude while you serve.

This is what it comes down to: self-love is a good thing. You need to be grateful for life, and specifically for your life. However, self-love, when taken in the wrong context or to an extent that is not proper, can also be a painful and frustrating thing. ONLY the love of the Lord will be able to fill in and expand within every crevice and hole, every nook and cranny, every lofty ceiling and deep well that exists within your heart. Only that love has the light that can reveal mysteries to you of your own heart. Only that love has the strenth to continue to grow and build and sustain even when the world draws you to your last straw. Only that love has eyes to see into your past and your future and to understand you in all of your intricacies in the present. Only that love will be there tomorrow, when you wake up, and tomorrow, in the afternoon, when you are itching to get out of work. Only that love will be there in ten years, still flourishing, still overwhelming, still rejoicing.

Do you love yourself?

If you do, you will allow yourself to be loved by one who will always love you more than you could possibly have imagined...



This book is a wonderful read if you are interested in considering the Love of God for man more thoroughly: The Love that Satisfies, and this song by Watermark is worth a listen: Captivate Us.

Hold it!

Sometimes the first thing I want to do is close my eyes. Turn off my ears. Hold very still. Listen, but with my other senses. My skin. My heart. The blood pumping in my ears.


What do I learn? What discoveries are made?


There seems to me a rather wide gap between what is selfish and what is self-aware. The bridge that is built between these two needs to be kept by a wise gatekeeper. Yet, I find that it is sometimes much harder to pass to Mnt. Self-Aware than it is to laze on Selfish Island.


There is a bit of wisdom tucked away in the need to be aware of oneself, wisdom that opens some rather challenging doors of self-gift.


It is often remarked upon that the small things within your closest friends or family members that irritate you or draw your disdain are often the very things within yourself that need to be amended. We don't always (or even often) appreciate the truth of our own weaknesses or failures flung in our faces. It is not very consoling to be so reminded of the things we must struggle with.


Yet, how can we be a "one-who-gives," when we are not a "one-who-knows"? You cannot give what you do not have, and you cannot adequately give what you do not know you have.


Let me be more practical for a moment; if I want to be a good soccer player, I must first practice many hours and train so that I know I have the skills to offer to my team or future team. If I wish to sing I must train and stretch myself so that I know what skills I bring to a song. If I want to be a friend, I need to know myself in order to know my own opinions, thoughts, dreams, desires, etc... which I can than offer to my friend.


In essence, we cannot reasonably approach relationship with others if we do not first have an awareness, or a relationship, with ourselves. How can I relate to another if it is not first from myself? Likewise, how could I receive the gift of another (be that a kind word, some good advice, a listening ear, or any other shared experience with a friend) if I do not understand how to receive it, or where to apply it?


I suppose this seems funny, or at least obvious. Yet, I find that our culture is an open invitation to distraction. I have been known from time to time to say that I have ADD tendencies, but I know that is not true. What I do know is that many people struggle to be "present" to day to day tasks, to coworkers, friends, family, shopping, driving, etc... because we do not have the experience of practicing stillness. We do not have endless hours of quiet, or even one hour. We do not have days without entertainment, or even moments. We do not have to wait very long for anything, and when we do, we are either impatient or distracted.


Sometimes I like to imagine what it must have been like for those first American pioneers who settled a bit further west into the country. No electricity, just oil lamps and fire wood. In the winters, especially in the areas where heavy snows are, there must have been little to no venturing out, especially for women and children. A house the size of a small room, with two, three, four, five, or more people sitting inside. For months. Without being able to leave. Can you even stand the feeling that is creeping over you thinking about that? I think I would be crazy in the first few days!


Yet, for whatever struggles and failures and pains that type of living must have been, those who endured it most certainly obtained certain virtues we, as a culture, do not value or posses. For whatever the suffering, those who lived in such simplistic ways certainly had the strength of mind to hold their attention for long periods of time. I can only imagine that they were experts in various skills and trades, for all the time they would have devoted to practice and improvement.


I am not trying to advocate for cutting off water supplies and trying to recreate the 1800s, but I am admiring what I know I need to learn from them.


It is a skill that I find most needed when in prayer, when communication is at it's "least explicit" or at least not the typical form of conversing. I do not get phone calls or skype messages or facebook inboxes or texts from the Lord. I have to find somewhere quiet, peaceful, and secluded when I want to speak with Him. I have to still my mind from it's 6,000 mile and hour runs. I have to breathe. I have to close my eyes to the craziness of life around me and turn off my ears. I have to come to myself, come to know who I am, and I have to be honest with that knowledge before the Lord.


One of the reasons I believe so firmly that this type of stillness needs to be practiced more and not given up or forgotten is because there is so much we still need to discover about ourselves! I never leave a time of prayer and peaceful communication with the Lord and am not surprised by some level of knowledge or insight or confidence in myself that I did not know before. Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote in Gaudium et Spes, "Christ...fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear...[and] that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for itself, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself" (22-24). 


This is the integral and immediate point: that when we enter a certain stillness and allow ourselves to be aware, we come to know both the Lord and ourselves much more certainly. Likewise, this knowledge gained enables us to simultaneously love the Lord, our neighbor and ourselves more fully. It is always easier to be patient and sincere with a friend when we know someone else was just patient and sincere with us. It is also always easier to forgive a friend or make great efforts to help a friend when one has done the same for us. And someone has done the same for us, and much more (that is, Jesus Christ).


So if you find that in the mornings you cannot keep your head on straight long enough to remember to pack your lunch before you rush to the car, or you cannot recall to get quarters for doing your laundry because of the laundry list of things you have to do in one day, chill. Stop. Hold it. Relax and breathe. Say a "Hail Mary," or try to imagine the Cross. Picture your idea of heaven. Best of all, find a chapel with Eucharistic Adoration. Stop for ten minutes and just be with Him. Stop for an hour and really pray. Whatever efforts you make, let them be for the stillness. 


When we are bearers of peace in our hearts, the peace that only Jesus gives, we will be amazed at what we learn. We will discover the strength to address our weaknesses that we find so unattractive and to work on them. We will discover the determination to improve what things we find lacking in ourselves. We will discover the patience to endure things which are hard or sorrowful or trying. We will find that others recognize in us a sense of relief and comfort. We will be like miniature safe havens for the very weary in our world. We will be places of peace for them because we will know Who is our peace and where our peaces comes from. We will be able to give what we have, and know what we have to offer. 


The cliche "take time to smell the roses" is just so true. Take time to calm down, and look around. Take time to look around inside yourself. Take time to invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate your heart. Breathe in deeply the fragrance of the Love of God, which is potent and stirring. Do not let the culture of progress, deadlines, noise and distraction leave you alone and unsure of your own self because there was no time for that. Make time for that. Self-reflection leads to self-awareness, and self-awareness means that you can spend more time in the heights and less time trying to make it across that shaky bridge that can lead to selfishness.

Come to me, all you who are burdened...

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." -Matt. 11:28-30

I have heard a number of interpretations of this Gospel passage in the past week due to it's repetition in the liturgical calendar as the selected Gospel reading for mass. I do not wish to pass on to you those interpretations, but something that has been growing in my mind and was only reassured and confirmed by these consoling words of Christ's.

There is another Scripture passage that instantly leaps into my mind, 1 John 5:2-5:
"In this way we know that we love the children of God when we love God and obey his commandments.
For the love of God is this, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whoever is begotten by God conquers the world. And the victory that conquers the world is our faith. Who (indeed) is the victor over the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" (emphasis added)

What strikes me is that the Lord gives commands and asks efforts that literally seem to be impossible at times. "So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect," Matt. 5:48.
Right, Lord, no problem. Perfect, like God... Love my neighbor and all of that. How often do we feel that way? It nearly makes you laugh, because you have to know how very short you are going to fall of that goal. Yet, Jesus does not leave us on our own with these commands.

St. Paul tells us, "For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God. Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood." Heb. 12:2-4

This is not a task or requirement that Christ gives without first leading the way.

Jesus himself says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where (I) am going you know the way." John 14:1-4

 The faith that is not burdensome for us as children of God is the faith that Christ takes our hands and walks with us on a path he knows well. Even when we cannot see, or cannot hear, or do not have the heart to press on, he guides us, he protects us, and if necessary, he carries us.
 
The other recounting of the Beatitudes ends with Jesus' words: "Be merciful, just as (also) your Father is merciful," Luke 6:36.


Perhaps this is the key to understanding how, in faith, we are to strive to be "perfect." God is love, and his love is mercy. To be like him, first and foremost we are to be charitable. The life of the Holy Spirit within us is meant to be this indwelling and filling up of charity that will not stay still. We are to be motivated, moved by, this charity so that it flows freely from us. And so praise should be ever on our lips, and love ever in our hearts.

Of course that is not the way we live each day, or at least, certainly not all the time. Yet, this is why St. Paul tells us we are to continue to struggle against sin. Further in chapter 12 of Hebrews he says, "So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet, that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed," (12-13). 

To learn to be merciful, to love God and neighbor in truth and charity, we must understand that the process of loving begins first within ourselves before it can move out towards others. It is first a gift given to us, and then a gift we give. Before we can show mercy to others, or even to ourselves, we must first know the mercy we have received and are receiving from the Lord. We must know that we need healed.

This requires humility on our parts, a humility that is unafraid. We must know that the more we work, the harder we strive, the longer we fight, the more our weaknesses will come before us. Yes, our weaknesses, not our strengths. The life of faith is similar to a muscle, needing to be stretched and pushed beyond its limits bit by bit, until it develops enough strength to move further. Yet, this isn't a muscle that grows quickly, at least not for most. It takes time, and when we relax for a while and stop resisting, it loses ground or grows slack.

Therefore, we must not lose our zeal, and we cannot accept mediocre faith. If we are facing dry periods or great temptations or interior struggles or deep wounds, these are the weaknesses that are to be our avenues for greater mercy and love. We become sensitive to all that the Lord has seen in us, and all of the times we have rejected his love. We realize how stupid and selfish, how tiresome we are. We see how we burden others unnecessarily and weigh them down with our weakness and sin. We become aware of the situations that increase our temptations and lessen our faith. In light of that, we seek mercy for ourselves.

Understanding that God's love is so infinite, so unconditional, we go begging to be held. No, not just pet on the head and acknowledged, we want to be held. We want to be caught up in his arms, kissed and tickled, smiled at and understood. We want to be so imbued with his mercy that forgets sins, that we let go of them ourselves. We want to be healed, and made new. We know, in all honesty, that we may make those same mistakes again, and perhaps very soon. Yet, we also know in all honesty that we love God more, and desire his commands more, and believe in the sacrifice and cross of Christ more.

It is always going to be a weird struggle and a strange contradiction, how we love and yet fail to love. Yet, look at us in our humanity. It is exactly how we relate to others; exactly how we love those closest to us. We love our families, our parents, our sisters and brothers, our husbands or wives, or boyfriends or girlfriends, our children, our dearest friends... yet, we let them down. We find them irritating. We irritate them. We pick fights and hold on to petty issues. We fail to understand their hurts, fail to see into their hearts and know the pains that trouble them. We fail to force ourselves past our own injuries of the day to look into their hearts and help them through theirs. This is the journey I referred to at the beginning. Christ is here, when we cannot see what we need to see, or hear what they need us to hear. Christ is here, when we just can't get it right, and those we love suffer because of it. This is the weakness that he can heal, that he can make strong.

So much of the liturgy of late has spoken of faith in Christ, and how great our faith is. If we know how great our burdens are, we must know, far more than that, how great Christ's love is. His power is unlimited. His mercy is unbounded. His readiness to give us what we need is unhindered. We need to learn the humility to acknowledge our failings and injuries, and the courage and confidence in faith to seek forgiveness and grace.

Frequent the Sacrament of Confession. Try every two weeks, or every week. It will amaze you, how much you learn of your failings. It will also amaze you, how much you learn of mercy. It is hard to hold back forgiveness from another, no matter what they have done to you, when your own apology and receipt of mercy is fresh in your mind.

The Invitation of Love...

Welcome.
Please leave your shoes at the door.
Take off your coat.
Don't bring your phone.
Come and sit down, just as you are...

To go on a mission trip is something similar to walking into someone's home as a guest, prepared to be present to them with all that you are and to not bring with you an excess of baggage that belongs outside.

The most false idea a missionary can have is that they are going to "save people" or to "make other's lives better." It is not that this act of service and sacrifice is not heroic, but that the heroism comes in a different form. You do not show up wearing a superhero label and snap your fingers while the bad guys run in fear. Rather, you become just like them.

This is something that may be lost on our Amercian culture, but generally, when you are a guest in someone's home, you adapt to the laws of the family. Certain rituals or traditions or expectations about behavoir and conduct, language and presentation are expected to be respected by you as a guest, and upheld by you to the best of your ability. Even when you visit dear friends, who would say "our home is your home," there is still an element of care and respect that ought to permeate your behavoir because they are making their home a gift to you, and you know better than to damage what has been given as a gift.

Mission work is something akin to this. You go to be like them. You go to humble yourself, to enter in. You leave your customs and typical foods and daily routines on the other side of the ocean. You go to become integrated, to learn, to love what they love. You eat what they eat, and appreciate it. You speak how they speak, or at least try to. You recognize their customs and give them respect, whether you understand them or not. You know that you are a guest before you are a servant, and that they are serving you through welcoming you into their homes and lives, and feeding you, housing you, and teaching you how to function in their world. Figuratively speaking, you strip yourself and clothe yourself with what garments they wear, and thus seek to live as if you were the same.

Anyone who has had the experience of being served or taken care of, which hopefully is everyone, understands that a good servant is one who makes you feel as if the care they give you is a free gift, one which they desire to give, and does not seek anything in return. The kind of care that comes from true love for another human being is the kind that humbles, the kind that breaks down walls and removes prejudices. Service that is in the name of love, for the sake of love, in the strength of love stirs up great joy in the one who receives such care, and deep gratitude. When care is freely given, the recipient will find it impossible to not feel as if they are undeserving and too insignificant for such sacrifice.

What is so intriguing is the way in which this kind of gift unnerves the recipient and at the same time invites him. Whether the invitation feels like a challenge, as in a moral sense of justice or what is right that stirs the person to know they too ought to be giving in this manner, or a request, as in an invitation for a response that is equal and of the same nature, the gift entails the invitation. This is because the gift includes the self of the other, the will, the intuition, the planning, the generosity, the admiration, the appreciation, the love of the other. A heart that is open to receiving gifts of love, gifts in love, is one that has set aside the danger of being wounded for the reward of growing in truth and fulfillment. The recipient is ready to respond, because he has felt within himself the movement, the turning about, the change that such a gift makes. There must be a response.

This is the invitation that love brings, the message encrypted for the one with the eyes to see it, or the light in the heart to read it. Service is that invitation. Giving is that invitation. The generosity of love that forgives all offenses and cannot recall anything but the good... that is an invitation.

The invitation is not only to respond to the giver in the personal sense, although that is the primary dialogue, but also to the world at large. True love invites the heart to reforming. True service invites the person to be made new.

The book of Revelation has a beautiful instance of this in chapter 21:
"I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, God's dwelling is with the human race. He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them (as their God). He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away.'
The one who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' Then he said, 'Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.'
He said to me, 'They are accomplished. I (am) the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give a gift from the spring of life-giving water. The victor will inherit these gifts, and I shall be his God, and he will be my son. But as for cowards, the unfaithful, the depraved, murderers, the unchaste, sorcerers, idol-worshipers, and deceivers of every sort, their lot is in the burning pool of fire and sulfur, which is the second death.'"

The invitation is one of surrender as it is one of response, and it is one of delight and gratitude as well as one of mutual sacrifice. The acceptance of the gift given, and the appreciation of it, and the love of the one who has given.. this is essential. Similarly, the return of the gift with the same humility and gratuity ensures the completion of joy for those who love.

Lovers will say that there is no cost, that the sacrifices are nothing but daily bread for the joy that comes from the beloved. Parents will say that the sacrifices are nothing because of the wonder of the gift of their children, the stunning fact that these little lives once were not, and now are, because of the love between the two of them. Children will learn that the sacrifices are not to be counted, for they have received so much, including their very lives, as a gift. And the child who grows into an adult and discovers a beloved will know the magnificence of having received all of these gifts, from the moment of existence unto the moment another desires to united their two lives forever into one new life.

There are some who will say that the service of love, the sacrifice and humility of leaving one's shoes at the door and learning new habits and adapting one's life to a new life with and through another and a family is too much. Some will argue that this type of invitation is false, and robs a person of freedom. Many will say the demands are too great, and there is a breaking point that comes where the requirements, the invitation as it were, is too great. They are not right.

Rather, it is the ever growing, ever deepening, ever expanding generosity of this type of love, that reaches back further and further into the history of the lovers and further and further into the future of their lives that gives them all of the freedom to live. The invisible boundaries established by the invitation that promises forever and the response that speaks the same are the boundaries that set the two apart from all of the actual inhibitions of selfishness, vanity, pride, jealousy, dishonor, lust, malice and any other failure and gives them the framework to spend every day striving to live within trust, commitment, cooperation, humility, sacrifice, joy, gratitude and mercy. The truth of the human condition is that even the most true and pure loves are imperfect, but the same truth is that love never fails.

When those who love, be it a lover, a family, a community, a people, or a nation, will to daily take off their coats and shoes, put on the cloaks of those whom they care for, and spend their days learning to live as another lives, they will succeed. For every failure and diminishment, miscommunication and hardship, pain or bitterness, there will be infinitely more moments of great generosity, heroic patience, forgiveness and understanding, wisdom and truth, and merciful love. Love always triumphs, and it is nothing but the courage to embrace the path to triumph, which is inevitably through the Cross, that is the grace that comes in the invitation of Love. So Love invites, and then equips, then carries you through, strengthens and heals, and in the end, outlasts all else.

The Universal Prayer

I think it is fair to say that the universal prayer given to us by Our Lord is the Our Father, for Christ teaches his disciples how to pray. But this prayer attributed to Pope Clement XI is very beautiful, and I wanted to share it. (Taken from St. Raymond of Penafort's website, http://www.straymonds.org/prayers/index.html) 

THE UNIVERSAL PRAYER

(attributed to Pope Clement XI)

Lord, I believe in you: increase my faith.
I trust in you: strengthen my trust.
I love you: let me love you more and more.
I am sorry for my sins: deepen my sorrow.

I worship you as my first beginning,
I long for you as my last end,
I praise you as my constant helper,
And call on you as my loving protector.

Guide me by your wisdom, correct me with your justice,
Comfort me with your mercy, protect me with your power.

I offer you, Lord, my thoughts: to be fixed on you;
My words: to have you for their theme;
My actions: to reflect my love for you;
My sufferings: to be endured for your greater glory.

I want to do what you ask of me:
In the way you ask,
For as long as you ask,
Because you ask it.

Lord, enlighten my understanding, strengthen my will,Purify my heart, and make me holy.

Help me to repent of my past sins
And to resist temptation in the future.
Help me to rise above my human weaknesses
And to grow stronger as a Christian.

Let me love you, my Lord and my God,
And see myself as I really am:
A pilgrim in this world,
A Christian called to respect and love
All whose lives I touch,
Those under my authority,
My friends and my enemies.

Help me to conquer anger with gentleness,
Greed by generosity,
Apathy by fervor.
Help me to forget myself
And reach out toward others.

Make me prudent in planning,
Courageous in taking risks.
Make me patient in suffering, unassuming in prosperity.

Keep me, Lord, attentive at prayer,
Temperate in food and drink,
Diligent in my work,
Firm in my good intentions.

Let my conscience be clear,
My conduct without fault,
My speech blameless,
My life well-ordered.
Put me on guard against my human weaknesses.
Let me cherish your love for me,
Keep you law,
And come at last to your salvation.

Teach me to realize that this world is passing,
That my true future is the happiness of heaven,That life on earth is short,
And the life to come eternal.

Help me to prepare for death with a proper fear of judgment,
But a greater trust in your goodness.
Lead me safely through death to the endless joy of heaven.

Grand this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Principle of Unity

To be honest, I believe the topic of the unity of the person is a book-sized discussion. I have not-book-sized-space and not-book-sized-time, so therefore I hope this is not a disappointing reflection.

For what it's worth, consider metaphysics.
(Highly brief tutorial for those who haven't been taught certain terminology:)
Metaphysics - the branch of philosophy that considers the nature of being in the world.
Ontology - the study of being, of existence.
Cause - the principle or purpose of a thing.
Form - Aristotle's sense of animation that is given to matter to be a thing. Wood takes the form of a desk or the material of man takes the form of a person. More specifically, it is the form that is given and in-forms matter. In truth, Aristotle covers potentiality and actuality in this discussion, so that there is the potenial in the seed to become the tree, and the actuality is the taking up of that form or the form of the tree being revealed. There is much more to say but you'll need to read on your own.
Matter - The material that holds the potentiality that will be actualized by the form.
Substance - A combination of matter and form.
Esse -  St. Thomas Aquinas explains esse as the existing of a thing, the being of a being. It is the to-be-ness. Essence is like the substance, the material, the creature itself, which is not animated or in existence until esse is given.
Essence -  For St. Thomas Aquinas, this is the what-ness of a being, in a sense, the substance of a creature. Analogously, it would be similar to the material if analogously Esse is the form, though his way of understanding them is more complex and therefore these are only analogous and not the same.
Ens - The unity of esse and essence. The point that St. Thomas makes is that while essence is nothing without esse, likewise esse cannot make anything be without the essence. Therefore, both are a gift from God, and must happen together, as one great gift.

Tutorial ends here. If you are more confused than ever, that is what google is for. :)

The importance concerning the unity of the person is found in Aristotle and Aquinas' understanding of the interrelatedness between form and matter and essence and esse. Cognitively, we can separate the mind from the body. We can think of our bodies as functioning organic centers of nerve synapses and intercommunication taking place so that we are able to maintain proper homeostasis. We can likewise think of our consciousness or our spirits as not affected by the body or not affecting the body. Yet, simply because we can think of this separation does not mean that in any real sense the separation is experienced. At least not while living. In all honesty, when the soul leaves the body, or if these two were truly separable, you no longer have life present. Not to say that those who are unconscious for years are dead. Clearly they are not. Comatose does not mean that the two are separated, but that the manifestation of their relationship has changed. Death is the only real experience of separation of these two, and therefore, while living, our experience is of them in unity.

But what does this mean? What does it mean to say that there is a profound and specific unity of mind and body or body and soul that cannot be removed in the lived experience of being? What does this imply for us who live?

Primarily it must mean that what is interior will always inform and manifest in the exterior, and that what comes to the exterior will inform and affect the interior. This is, perhaps, more obvious than imagined. It is everyone's lived experience that when stressful situations occur, the body feels it. Knots in the back, loss of the voice, susceptibility to colds, nausea, nervousness, headaches... you name it. Whatever way you interiorize and exteriorize what goes on around you, there's certainly no denying that you feel it in both manners. Likewise, the opposite is also apparent. If you are relaxed, happy, enjoying yourself, free from certain burdens or responsibilities, on vacation or with those you love, you will be less tense, more prone to smile or laugh, more likely to be spontaneous, less agitated, more comfortable with plans changing or different circumstances, etc... Why? Because we one. We are not only a body or only a mind. No matter how dualistic of an upbringing our education may have been, life teaches us otherwise as we experience it everyday.

This unity should mean something very specific to the one who takes time to think. If you don't normally mull over things, consider it. Mull over the potential mulling over of life. Mull over what it might mean, what consequences might be anticipated, good and bad, from the total unity of the person. If you are so integrated, so united, so intrinsically bound, so inexorably one, how will this affect the way you live? Your decisions, your actions, your thoughts, your fears, your joys, your hopes, your injuries, your health, your relationships... all of these things will be directly impacted. Virtue, value, ethics or morals will all be a necessary component of considering this wholeness of being. One cannot exist as if things which are immoral or unethical or simply not good are ineffective. Nor can one live as if those things will not impact and affect him or her. In the same fashion, one cannot pretend that the good, beautiful, powerful, and true will not also affect them.

For example, the loss of a loved one. The sudden illness of a friend. The loss of a job by a family member. The gift of a new baby in a family. The success of a student who graduates with honors. The witness of grandparents who still love one another after fifty years of marriage. We are human and these things touch us. The proximity of the relationships and our own personal experiences change the power of the affects on us, but we do not live as rocks. Waves of life do not wash upon us and simply coat our harsh skin with some film. We do not have an outer shell, a bubble which allows our skin to tan or wrinkle or stretch or burn but not touch our souls. We are not souls trapped in bodily prisons and we are not mere animals who just happen to have rational souls. We are unique and beautiful precisely as creatures will intellect, reason, free will, a soul and a body. We are the unity and compilation of these, the whole and the totality. To say anything less to to lie to oneself and to sell our being short of its truth.

Therefore, I urge us all to meditate on this wholeness. Whether it is certain tendencies to some behavior that is not good for us, some evil or some sin or something that is simply making us ill (in mind, body or spirit), we need to reconsider our actions. Likewise, the habits of the mind, our tendencies to evaluate or judge or doubt or fear or be anxious...these too need to be dealt with. Sin, above all, is divisive. It will sink itself into the little cracks in your foundation, in your bedrock, until all it takes is one more tap on the head of the nail until the crack breaks the whole foundation apart. You will wonder how on earth you lost that close friend, or how your marriage is where it is, or why you suffer from guilt or why fear haunts you, or why you feel enslaved to something you know you should have power over... sin will convince you that it is trivial, a minor thing. Sin always wants to be hidden away, safe and sound. Sin wants you to be sure it is only a scratch on your arm, barely skin deep. Sin isn't a bruise welling up from deep in the muscle, it's just this little knick on the exterior. It won't really hurt you, or those you love. Yet this is the lie in its fullness, that you could be unmoved, unchanged, unhurt by what is evil. You cannot be. Just as those things which are beautiful and good, like prayer, service to those you love, charities, time at Mass or in adoration, reading the Scripture, laughter, activities that lighten the soul and bring thanks to your lips, also move you and change you and cannot go without affecting you.

Consider what it is to be a whole, an ens, to have received your essence and esse from God. Consider what it is to live in our world today as this unity as person. 

What Matters

I want to take just a moment to reflect on what matters in life.

My cat needing to be fed is important, but my roommate needing to talk is more important.
My bathroom needing cleaned is important, but making food for my friend is more important.
My bills need to be paid, but a friend in need is more important.
My life may need to be organized or reordered, but that order must begin with prayer first.

What matters are these two things: relationship with God our Father, and relationship with all those we love.

Nothing ought to stand in the way of those as the order of our lives.

Recently I had a day that was not a day of proper ordering. I did not make it to mass as I had wanted, I did not remember to pray certain prayers I wanted to pray, and I did not make certain quiet time happen that I felt I needed. Likewise, I found that I was distant and irritable around those I love, especially my boyfriend, who so generously loved me that day, despite my failure.

Why is that? What is it that gets to us, that can attack from within? Christ himself told us that what defiles comes from within, from within a man's heart. ("But what comes out of a person, that is what defiles. From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile." Mk. 7:20-23) Why is it that when my heart was being offered so many blessings, I was unable to receive them? For, in not receiving them, I left myself unable to recognize the good things I had and unable to be thankful. And in that state of ingratitude, I had nothing to give to anyone else.

I find that to live a life where we love one another, where we lay down our lives and sacrifice in love for our neighbors, our brothers and sisters, our families, and our Church, we must first and foremost know the love we have received. We cannot forget from whom we came from. We cannot forget that our existence is a gift! We cannot forget that our Father in heaven created us from nothing (ex nihilo). We must impress upon ourselves the truth of our state. We cannot call ourselves into being! We do not have the power over life and death. Before we are masters, we are servants. Before we are in control, we are at the mercy of the world. We have a God who is all Mercy, all Love, all Generosity, all Forgiveness. We have received an invitation to eternal life, to eternal participation in the mysterious joy that is the Love of the Trinity! Yet, we cannot accept this invitation unless we know, in all humility and truth, our littleness, our frailty, and in light of that, the totality of gift that the invitation is! It is not deserved. It was won for us by the sacrifice of the Life of the Son of God.

If we live this life with a prayer to know our state of being in truth, our being-as-gift, we will simultaneously recognize the depth, height, breadth and magnitude of God's mercy and love, and our own indebtedness which calls to us to participate in and imitate that same humble love. We ought to turn to our brothers and sisters, friends and coworkers, bosses and cab drivers, and place them first. Clearly, the heroism that Love requires is a grace given to us, and we must always pray to have it. Yet, we should not allow ourselves to be dis-ordered from the truth if we can help it. We should not let satan find ways of screwing up the order so that before God's gift and love comes our own power or our own weakness. How often men find themselves lost in their sin, unable to forgive themselves some flaw, even when others forgive them. Likewise, how often men are lost in their pride, unable to accept that they do not have the power in life they desire or think they have. How often we are wrapped up in our own little world, whether its self-pity or self-loathing or self-doubt, and are unable to see the person standing right in front of us.

Consider how often in Scriptures it is a blind man who reaches out to Christ saying, "Lord, I want to see." If only this could be our prayer. Jesus, help us to be un-blinded. To shake off the scales that cling to our eyes. It all comes back to the order of our lives. Who is first? Do we worship before we work? Is the credit of any good offered back to the giver of all good things? Do we adore before we desire to be adored? We will not learn how to serve one another unless we see we have already been served, by the one whose service is the greatest act of Love and Sacrifice the world has ever known.

Empty and Beautiful

Of late I have been struck with the immense blessings in my life. Many things I have received undeserved and even unlooked for. I certainly have not merited some of the gifts that have been given.

I was praying during the graduation mass for my school in thanksgiving to the Lord for an accomplishment that I am still slightly in disbelief over, and I cannot explain the emptiness of my being. It was joyful, and free. It was an emptiness that began in sorrow but ended in life. It was a miniature death of the self. I recognized many things in a few moments of prayer about my own littleness. I felt, very dramatically, my mortality and all of its frailty. Simultaneously, I sensed the power that is God's presence in our lives. I knew His strength in a new way. I saw in the Eucharist the true Bread that is Life for the world. I sensed how absolutely in need of the food of God I was, above and beyond all other forms of nourishment. I understood that though my stomach might hunger, my soul hungered in a way that was stronger and louder. I do not know if I have ever sensed the same level of poverty within myself that I did at that mass.

I beg us to consider poverty anew. Poverty does not need to be a material state, although I believe very firmly that if one is in a material state of poverty it is easier to reach a spiritual state of poverty. Yet, what does it mean to be "poor in spirit"? The Lord said that those who were poor in spirit were "blessed" and that "theirs is the kingdom of heaven." There is much to think on here. The Lord could easily mean both an earthly poverty and a spiritual one, and he could also easily have meant both an earthly experience of the Kingdom and the Heavenly one. For those who live a life here on this earth understanding their own meekness before the King, their indebtedness to their Father, will certainly be living a life that testifies to the Kingdom while on earth. Likewise, those who live that form of humility will most certainly be close to the Kingdom of Heaven when it is their time to depart from this life. We would not deny that this is what we receive in the Eucharist each day, and what the many readings surrounding the Eucharist during the Easter Season emphasize; we receive the Lord, the Giver of Life. We receive the Bread of Life.

St. John recounts the Bread of Life Discourse in Chapter 6, saying:
"So Jesus said to them, 'Amen, amen, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave the bread from heaven; my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.' So they said to him, 'Sir, give us this bread always.'

Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst'" (6:32-35). 

It seems so simple, I think many of us (especially in our contemporary culture) do not know how to receive such an invitation. Was this not the fault and crime of the pharisees of Christ's own time? They were blinded by their expectations, by what they were accustomed to. They could not bring themselves to learn a new way of life, to accept a new teaching. Yet, we have the invitation to let go of our former sight. We have the invitation to ask that we might be able to see, like the blind man who pursues Jesus until he is healed. We have the invitation to ask to be able to receive that which is being offered. Christ's own disciples said that his teaching was hard. Further into John's Gospel Christ informs them that his very flesh and blood is the life that he offers them:

"'I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the desert, but they died; this is the bread that comes down from heaven so that one may eat it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.'

The Jews quarreled among themselves, saying, 'How can this man give us (his) flesh to eat?'

Jesus said to them, 'Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever.'

Then many of his disciples who were listening said, 'This saying is hard; who can accept it?'

Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, 'Does this shock you?'" (6:48-61)

Where do we begin to consider this? Christ raises an immense challenge, and yet, a beautiful invitation. "Does this shock you?" Perhaps we can assume that after God has given so much to us, our very beings over to us, we should not be surprised that He would feed us with His own flesh. Yet, our natural sensibilities seem to be repulsed at the concept. Not only is the idea strange to us, but the fact that Jesus explains this gift while being alive, and neither His flesh nor His blood being poured out yet, make it hard to understand. Yet, consider his words! "The one who feeds on me will have life because of me." 

This is the key to living in the Kingdom while still on earth! This is the secret to poverty of spirit, to being little and knowing our indebtedness. This is where we take up our cross of indentured servitude and simultaneously receive the adopted sonship given to us in Christ! It is feeding on Him, truly taking His life into ours, that enables us to see with true sight, and receive and understand all that the Lord gives to us while on earth. 

This is why the joy of blessings in life must come hand in hand with the sorrows and pains. One cannot truly understand what a gift life itself is if he does not know the truth of death. Once we realize what we have been ransomed from, what true mercy it is that we have been preserved, we can truly rejoice. God's gift to his children is that simple. We have but to acknowledge our lowliness and be thankful for it all the same. We have but to offer thanks, to celebrate that we do not have to merit our salvation, this true life, for we could never do so. No, we have been purchased at a cost, the price of the Life of the Son of God. In Him we are set free, free to live in Him and love according to His love. This ought to be our strength and drive for every minor death to self or death to sin that we suffer throughout each day. To join in the kenosis, the self-emptying, the pouring out that Christ made on our behalf; this is to know what eternal life is like while still on earth! 

That We Would Love

Lord, make me merciful. 

Teach me to take into myself that which is hurting, which is broken, which is dark and painful, even that which is sinful in my brothers and sisters and to bear it within my heart. Better me than them, Lord, if your grace would permit it. If you will love in me and through me, if I might love them with your love, with your heart, and see them only as you see them, I know I would grow in leaps and bounds in true love. Jesus, I want to be merciful, as my heavenly Father is merciful. Only there can I find the place where I will grow in perfection. Only there can I remain in peace. Only there will I be made whole and be made new. Only there will I be able to invite others to your love. Only there will I be able to bring healing, light, hope and the truth into the hearts and lives of my family. 

Lord, you have given me only one mother, only one father, only one family to which I am meant to love and bear the Gospel message. Help me then, to lay all else aside for their sake. In this greater family of the Church whom you have generously supplied to me as a means and source of teaching in love and encouraging in love and binding in love, assist me always to remember that human love is good, but human love in and through you is miraculous. Let me not settle for my own strength, for it is simply not enough. May I never grow weary of loving, never grow tired of laying down my life. 

Oh, if only I would remember how much more I rest and am free in the very act of laying down my life! If I would only recall how exhausted my soul is when I am selfish and refuse to place them first. It is true that only in the Cross do we find life, not because it is an abstract knowledge we may come to understand, but because it is real life, and lived life, and the only hope in a world where sin remains. Jesus, your triumph remains even beyond the sin. Your destruction of death has given us all that we need to endure every single death we must suffer in this life, and all the means to grace and mercy that will teach us how to truly live. 

Lord, let my home be nowhere but your heart. Let me be as the disciple whom you loved, and rest on your chest even in the midst of trial, temptation, danger and sadness. Let nothing move me from your side. I know you shall never leave me. And Jesus, for every time I do leave, and I do hurt others, and I do bring pain and sorrow into the world by my sinfulness, never let me doubt your mercy! Mercy was given on the Cross, at the very last moments of the greatest act of love. Your consummation of the covenant was made along with the gift of the Church to your Mother and she to the Church, and the forgiveness of all of us who “do not know what we do.” Lord, let this always be our strength, and let us learn to be merciful even when we are most betrayed and most abused. 

Jesus, in your innocence you remained as a child, even in the midst of great evil… allow us to also be of the same childlike spirit, and share in the Holy Spirit’s gifts so that we will be meek and humble of heart. Let us rejoice in the self-emptying, the kenosis of your sacrifice. This is the prayer of a heart always in need of greater humility, and always delighted that you never give up, and you never grow weary, and you always love with a depth and passion and might that is nearly unbelievable. 

Oh, what gift is the Love of God!