Truly, the blog gets neglected when all other things take form before my eyes as MUST BE DONE NOW. My life must be done, now. Sometimes that is a demand that simply cannot be ignored.
One thought I had recently was how very much we live (or attempt to live) as if we could ignore life. Or ignore certain truths about life. Or ignore basic principles about being alive.
Time is one of them. We are creatures. We cannot deny this. We try and try, but no matter how great our science is, we are still created. I've been through this before on this blog so I'm skipping all the reasoning for now.
Being created beings, in a created universe, that is governed by the coming and going of tides, the passing of days, the rising and setting of the sun, the aging process of our bodies, the surprising retention of memories and learning we possess as these days march on, it seems rather undeniable that we exist in time. It also seems obvious that by existing in time we are participating in time. Bringing something new to history, and taking something unique from it. We cannot control time, try as we might. Watches, timetables, timezones, time machines... nothing seems to have mastered it yet. Fountains of youth, elixirs and potions... even a stone. None of these have been able to stop the approach of death that is inevitable by virtue of being mortal.
It would seem that death is then some cruel curse that approaches slowly but steadily, always looking us in the eye while also creeping up behind us... never giving us a moments peace to live as if he wasn't there.
The funny thing is that death isn't all that terrible. Now, let's be clear, I haven't died. So I can only say that with a certain level of conviction. There are also many things in my life I have wished, after the fact, that I did not say. I would keep that thought on the table as I proceed. However, I don't write what I don't mean (mostly), so for now, I mean this.
Death isn't that terrible, and neither is pain. Suffering isn't the enemy. We certainly can make it the enemy, but it isn't the outright nemesis. The true evil is when we are corrupted. When we lose truth. When we let go of hope. When we take our suffering over our faith. When we'll have another dose of pain to kill the seed of love. When we prefer pity and consolation and compassion to honesty and growth. What we so often run from is the growth that is hand and hand with the suffering. Enduring it is one thing, overcoming another. We'll stand in the rain all day but we don't want to swim the channel. But we must.
Time, strong as it is, isn't giving us a choice here. No one likes to think they're coerced, but guess what? You are. You are forced to die. Stinks, huh? Well, actually I'd wager not really. I don't think it's a bad thing. Don't get me wrong - I'm not excited about death. I am excited about what I hope will greet me after death, but that's a different story. At this point, the thing to take away is that I have only discovered goodness to be the remnants of hardship. The times when it has been bitterness is when I have not allowed love in, and have chosen to stir up my hurt and malice because it's easier than forgiveness or mercy.
We don't have all the time in the world. People die. We should be quick to forgive, quick to show mercy, quick to love. What do we gain when we aren't compassionate? What do we get in self-centeredness? Nothing. Nothing worth writing home about. "Mom, I was so good at giving him the cold shoulder. He feels even more low now! Yay." Yay? Really? Gross, what's wrong with you. You sound like a screwed up person. Why?? Because that's not love, not human, not true and not good. There's no beauty there. Beauty that stirs the soul and brings us to new life, new hope... that beauty is in the moments of great forgiveness, of deep love, of acceptance and understanding even when it isn't "fair".
Anyway, I'm rambling. No surprise, I'm beat.
But time is there too. Time is calling my name to sleep, reminding me that I will meet it happily in an abyss of non-awareness, when I can let it all just be.
I want to challenge us to two things. 1. To shake off fear of suffering and death. They are not good of themselves. It is not good that people are hurt or lonely or abused or broken or forgotten, etc... That is sad and tragic. But the good that can be found in those things is when we allow love to conquer, to come in and transform, to move us to change, to give us new skin and a new heart. The harder the fight the better the victory. 2. To practice "being" in time more. We have a better concept of our relationship with time when we stop trying to kill it or control it. I love missions, when I have my phone turned OFF for 10 days. It's unthinkable here. I never turn off my phone. Why would I? But how great it is, to live free from the constraint of digital numbers. To look at the sky, guess the approximate time and decide it's time for lunch, or time for a bath, or time to sleep. How gentle the world seems when time is allowed to lead us. It's not as surprising when things are hard or when things are startling and beautiful. Time, when it's given permission to be it's own, moves us with such grace that everything is a gift.
I don't know if that makes sense, but think about it. I'm going to think about it more, because I think this is a vital lesson for the heart that hungers for peace.
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