Courage to be Humble

My friends,

The thought came to me this morning in the car: "If you have the courage to be humble, you will have the courage for everything else."

I was thinking about events of the past day. I had felt that "urge" to go pray with people outside the abortion clinic for the 40 Days for Life prayer vigil. I have been praying for them and with them, but I had not been able to actually stand there with them. So I went.

These adorable ladies were sitting there finishing a rosary, and it seemed they weren't sure if I was approaching them for help or to help. It is less expected that a young woman go stand there than a Grandma. But once I introduced myself they explained that they had been there for nearly two hours and needed to leave. Therefore, it would be up to me to stand by myself with a sign in one hand and a rosary in the other.

When I was little, my dad took my siblings and me with him somewhat regularly to pray outside clinics, so this wasn't a first time experience. However, this was the first time (excluding the March for Life each year) that I had been "an adult" praying outside of a clinic. I was somewhat surprised by my various emotions.

At first I was nervous, and wasn't really sure what to think. I had the "what are these people thinking of me" tension going on. I was also praying a rosary and trying to focus on the prayers and trying to overrule my self-concerned thoughts with thoughts about those people who were driving by and looking at me or those people who could possibly be inside the clinic. As time passed, I became more and more comfortable, and lost that edge of awkwardness. I started to feel even proud of myself in the situation. It's fun feeling like the lone fighter. Not to mention, I do look like a teenage when I'm standing on the side of the road in skinny jeans and a flannel, and for people who are looking at me and then the sign, that probably is a striking statement. Here's a girl who is young, and who could easily be part of the demographic that the campaign is trying to reach, and instead is part of the prayer campaign.

Then a guy on a bike passed me and shouted "Safe Sex!"

I didn't have a response. What?
My sign says "pray to end abortion." Somehow his statement didn't register as anywhere near the issue that I was trying to address. After the fact, I wanted to yell back, "Abstinence!" I had to laugh at myself though. I realized exactly how silly I was. First, I was hoping to be some "powerful witness," and I couldn't even engage in any kind of conversation. And secondly, I used to teach abstinence. If there's anything I might have actually been prepared for, you would think that would be it. Oh well.

It then came to me, this morning, just how much I needed to be emptied of "me" in my head and filled with the truth. It wasn't that I was necessarily wrong about the witness I was making - maybe that was a good and powerful thing. But the point was that my head was all wrong. The courage to stand there alone and keep praying and pacing and pacing and praying was a gift. I needed the Holy Spirit if I was going to be brave. What I needed was humility. The gift of being little, of knowing my own weakness, is the necessary precursor to boldness and fidelity to the truth. I couldn't do that if I wasn't a little child. If my Father wasn't protecting me and guiding me. If I didn't have the love and support and thousands of prayers of all the other people who were interceding for those people effected by abortion.

I don't know, I feel particularly inarticulate today, but I think the point should be obvious. Thinking I'm doing something great = fail. Realizing the Lord's goodness and power and trying to do something good even when I don't have much to offer = win. We want the win-mentality! The action of standing out there and the intention to proclaim the truth I believe in was still the same. But my spirit, my heart, they needed the mercy that comes in humility.

And this is exactly the truth for the rest of our lives. What can we fear, when we are humble? Have we not, by the very fact of a humble disposition, already acknowledged our total weakness and dependence on another? Yes, we have. And in doing so, there's nothing left to be robbed of. Rather, all that is left if this trust and abandonment to the Lord. And seeing as how he is all powerful, that means we can march bravely on. St. Therese and Bl. Mother Teresa and many other saints have said time and again that all of their courage and consistency came directly from their trust and reliance on the Lord, from their humility. And I think it's obvious that Our Lady, being totally and perfectly humble, is the greatest example of this. St. Paul reminds us that there is nothing we cannot do when it is within the love and power of God.

So rather than praying for courage, I will pray for humility. In being emptied, I can be filled. In being simple, He can be great. His greatness is infinite. Why hope in anything else?
If pride goes before a fall, humility certainly goes before a victory.

When your strength is not your own, but His, there is nothing to fear. Be humble, and have courage.