Mercy.

Too many thoughts have been dancing through (and colliding within) my mind, and at this point its fair to say the pinball machine is ready to break down.

My friends, mercy. Mercy, mercy, mercy! Divine mercy, real mercy, living and generous, form-taking mercy. Mercy alive and breathing. Mercy as a child. Mercy as a man. Mercy on a cross. Mercy as King.

I was reflecting on what true charity is. On the mountain that we all have to ascend to reach that unbelievable challenge uttered by Christ, "Be perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect." That journey is uphill. That journey is full of sharp rocks and steep ascents. That journey is also filled with beautiful landscapes and invigorating experiences! Oh! The colors. The breaths of air that seem to have been saved for your lungs alone. The intoxicating scents of mountain air that teach you about a way of living that our little world has forgotten. You pant for more. Nothing ever tastes as sweet again. You are lost to it. These are woods you will happily wander into, map left behind, rejoicing at the idea of being lost. This is a trail your feet know without being told. This is a way that is clearly marked, simply by the desire in your heart. Follow the love inside of you! Run when you cannot bear to walk, and you will gain ground. Sing when you are stirred within, laugh at everything. Smile because it is too ridiculous not to.

Do not allow yourself to get over it. Never get over it. There is never room enough in you to exhaust all that you can take it! There will always be more beauties, more glories! Hans Urs von Balthasar says that glory is the fullness of beauty revealed. That means that glory is what you experience when your heart is too captivated to do anything else but adore what you have been captured by. And the mountain, the ascent to charity... it captivates. Not only the mountain, but the journey itself. Every step! Every breath. Every stone that digs into our feet. Every inch of dirt we move through. Every drop of rain or dancing stream or fierce wind or starry night or great oak. Not just these things in and of themselves, but our participation in them. Our encounter with them. Our harmonies to their symphonies. It is the moments of "them being" and "us coming to them" and "together, it being better." And forgive me for all the mountain imagery because this is just as applicable to the eyes of one meeting the eyes of another, or a still moment shared between old friends, or the explosion of a family reunited with one another (at least, that's the caliber of sound when my family is together), or the smile of teammates when the goal has been accomplished or the pride in a professor's eyes at the student who has excelled. All of this is what is part of our climb into the heights and depths of charity.

Today at mass the priest said, "Humility is not putting yourself down or thinking less of yourself, it is simply the truth." This is the epitome of true charity - mercy. The truth is our littleness, and the truth is also God's benevolence. The truth is our pitiful infidelity and the truth is his UNFAILING CONSTANCY. He is always there. Always. Never leaves us. Never gives up. Never ceases to love. Gosh! Do we have ANY idea of what the words "never" and "always" really mean? How could we? Look at our society, at our culture, at our world! Everything is so quick, so instantaneous, and sadly, so inconsistent. If there is any quality that is most endearing and most healing to me in the merciful love of God it is certainly his perfection made manifest in his unstobbable and eternal and infinite and constant being. Never means, never. There is simply no time, no space and no place that you could be that he will not already be there and will not follow you to. Just waiting to pick you up again, waiting carry you back home. "What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, 'Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep" (Lk. 15:4-6). And this is Mercy.

Who among us can turn to our brother after he has insulted us and genuinely love him, forgive him, even get up and make him something to eat because he is hungry? Who among us wouldn't consider this complete foolishness!? He didn't even apologize! He might do it again! Will he learn nothing? Are we to be so poorly treated? Oh, but was this not exactly the life of our Lord? Is this not the entire love story of the Scriptures, of the Hebrew people and God, of the Bride (the Church) and the Bridegroom? When have we ever given him true cause to lavish the grace upon us that he does? The justification that we could never earn for ourselves has been generously supplied by the life, death and resurrection of the Son of God. This is mercy. The truth is mercy. Humility is acknowledging the truth of the mercy of God.

Everything is mercy. The grace to have our hearts stirred by the beauty of the ascent to charity throughout our lives, even the sorrows and the darknesses and the freezing cold nights... that is mercy! The grace to see, that is mercy. Just to open our eyes is mercy; to have ears to hear, that too is mercy. He is embodied Mercy. Love made flesh is mercy. The Eucharist is Mercy.

Beatitudes, Part I

I have decided to do a series of short reflections on the beatitudes. I continually feel that through Scripture and the lives of the saints these important words of Christ are reinforced time and again as the pathway to holiness. I would like to share some of this walk with others through discussion.

So let us begin with the words Jesus has for us -

Matthew 5: 1-16

When he saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.
Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

I think it is a fair place to begin with the example of Mother Teresa. This woman's life was a witness to love, a love that she bore so deeply inside she seemed to be made up of nothing but that love. The Blessed Mother would, of course, be the most perfect example of the poor in spirit. Mary was able to receive the message from the angel who said, "The holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you" (Lk. 1:35), because she was so pure that there was nothing taking up space in her other than the readiness to do God's will.

Lives that are fully spent for others, expended to the furthest drop of blood, exhausted to the point of death - these lives are those that burn brightest, that last the longest, that seem to live on decades and centuries after the life is over. They are the ones we praise, we admire, we seek to imitate. They are those who have discovered the true human strength - that of overcoming the self for the sake of love rather than of being conquered by the self for the sake of self-love. One seems so good, to care for and look out for one's own good and own interest, but the other is the one which is heroic and valiant, because it defies what comes to us "naturally" and seeks the better nature that all mankind was given before the fall. These lives have faith that cannot be shaken, and hope that does not disappoint, for they chose to believe fully that it would not. We see miracles happen in their lives and after from their good works, we discover deep sufferings they never complained of or beautiful thoughts and prayers that were never shared, and we marvel at how they could be so free, and so alive. We crave that.

We face a culture that considers the f-word to be common knowledge, and "poverty" to be akin to a curse word. To be poor is to lose all respect, to have no morale, to not be worth someone's time. At most, to be poor is to gain pity. It is never a virtue, and never something to learn from. Then again, culture rarely tells us to "learn" something from anything, because we aren't even humble enough to believe we need to be taught things, much less that if we are in a position where we are being taught things that we could consider it a good thing.

There we find the true thing to pity. Bl. Mother Teresa spoke to this exact problem. She said,  "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." Real poverty is when there is too much inside of a heart or soul to be able to open to love, truth, beauty and goodness. It is sad and pitiful, for so many claim that they are full, happy, satisfied, acheiving good things, and yet are struggling and empty of what truly satisfies. The Lord satisfies. His love satisfies. Nothing else.

So what Jesus is speaking to here is not the poverty of hunger or of material things, nor the poverty of the wealthy or lonely who choose not to let him in, but the poverty of a heart that has freely given over themselves to their Lord that he might lead them as he wills.

This is an epic freedom, a total one. It allows the soul to soar to new heights, and the heart to remain steadfast in great trials. It is frightening, at first, to open your heart and soul to this love. It can come as a torrent, sweeping in and taking with it things that we thought we held dear, or things we thought defined us as who we were. It can become a purifying river, that will cleanse us of many things we did not even realize we were clinging too - things that are the building blocks for the walls that will not let God's love in. Yet, when we have the courage to allow this bursting-love to come, to move within us, to take over... we are amazed. Life looks so different through eyes that see it in truth.

This truth is one that recognizes three important things: first, that God is God, Jesus is Lord, the Spirit is our life, and in the Trinitarian love we find our truth, our "why", our purpose, our hope, our reason, our fulfillment. The second is that we are nothing, empty, little, pitiful, sinful, children who rebel and think we deserve good things when in truth our behavior and our lack of love deserve only punishment.  The third is that the Lord's love is merciful, that mercy is actually the active existence of this Love, of him who loves us, and so in reality, the more we recognize our littleness, the more we pray for the grace to be humble, the more we delight in our embarrassments and humiliations, the more we are grateful for every little thing and do not think anything is of our own doing, nor that we deserve any of what we have, the more we can recognize that all of this life is a generous gift, the beautiful and the sorrowful, the more the Lord lavishes his love upon us and delights in our repentence, and refills our souls abundantly with his love.

Moreover, we become addicted to this glory, to the pure peace and hope that comes from being broken and empty, and receiving from him his mercy and love in abundance. Not that we sin more to receive more mercy, quite the opposite! But we are able to see more and more our imperfections and failures, and while we are ashamed and even horrified at how cold and stony are hearts can be, we realize all the more the deep tenderness and gentle love that the Lord pours over us.

In the end this poverty of spirit becomes one continual laughter, a joy that wells up deep within, as we enter into the logic of God. He, who is all powerful beyond comprehension, who holds the universe in his mind and could end it all at any time, He prefers that we have free will. He, though not needing our love at all, desires it to be given to him, freely. He choses that we would have the choice to give him our hearts or to hold them back. He desires that we love like he does, freely, generously. He gives us a lifetime to understand it and so many mercies and graces, people and situations, that we might ever more deeply comprehend how low he has stooped to save us, how far down he has come to be near us, how marvellous his love truly is. So we must laugh, we must giggle, we must rejoice! He is in love with us, stupid, frail and evil though we can be. He still wants us, still yearns for us. His love does not have limits, nor conditions. So we have to laugh, because it would seem that nothing but our own stubborn hate could keep us from him. How ridiculous! We fall at the smallest temptation - we forget him, ignore him, tell him we'll be sorry later, cheat and lie and even hope he won't notice. Yet, there he is, scooping us back into his hands, laying us against his Sacred Heart, softly singing to us of his mercy and love. It almost seems as if we could not escape him if we tried. But we can, and sadly often do.

So let us pray for the grace to be poor in spirit. Whether materially wealthy or not, whether someone who feels close to the Lord or not, whether stuggling with deep rooted issues or feeling happily care free, we all need to be humbled, we all need to pray more, we all need to seek grace and mercy, and we all need to ask God to make us his servants, children and friends.

Let us love one another as Christ first loved us!