O Burden, Why art thou?

Silly weight of the world, get off my shoulder!

You know, between the readings of mass emphasizing things such as persistence and humility and obedience and conversion and all of the personal aspects of my crazy life, I felt it was a good time to reflect on how to handle the weight of the world.

 

I think I'll call it a spiritual irony that I read "The Diary of a Country Priest" this semester as part of a book forum for my graduate studies. I will post an entire reflection on this book because it may be in my top five favorite of all time. However, as usual, I have no time and should be working on a 20 page paper. Yippee.  

I truly think that most people will find when reading this book (which I implore you to do) that they read their own hearts within the priest's story. His miserable littleness, and often thwarted works made him so severely aware of his failings. He simply seems to not possess any of the needed talents for being good at what he has set his life to do (serving his little community). 

Yet, they did not cause him to despair. In fact, he seems to become more reckless than ever as he realizes how little any good fruit that came was of him. 

Huh? You might ask. 

We need to be like this. Our hearts have to look at this (very sick) amount of work we have to do and just smile. For me it's the laundry list of reading and writing, along with all those pesky chores like feeding myself that never seem to go away. The thing is, it is not us who accomplish things. We try, we give our effort, even when our effort is minimal... but the Lord is the one who accomplishes. 

Some of my favorite Scripture passages that have been dancing around in my head concerning this are as follows:

"O LORD, you mete out peace to us, for it is you who have accomplished all we have done." - Isaiah 26:12

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where (I) am going you know the way." - Jn. 14:1-4

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts. For just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down And do not return there till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful, Giving seed to him who sows and bread to him who eats, So shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to me void, but shall do my will, achieving the end for which I sent it." - Isaiah 55:8-11

The Gospel today was about the servants who were given certain gold coins and then who gave the master more on his return or the unfortunate one who buried the coin. It isn't really "suggested" or even "highly recommended" that we open our hands and trust that the Lord will fill them. That is the only way we can be a healthy part of the Body of Christ. I'm renewing the Consecration to Mary through the preparation of St. Louis de Montfort and today the reflection covered the apostles going to Jesus and saying, "Lord, teach us to pray as John taught his disciples." The humility present here, or perhaps more specifically, the child-like virtue, struck me deeply. I mean, really, how often do I think "I wish I knew how to pray"? Not too often, to be honest. But in response to such simple honesty, Christ gives such a gift! He tells them, "When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and do not subject us to the final test" (Lk 11:1-4). 

Please be struck with me! 'Hey, Jesus, how do you pray? What are we supposed to say? You tell us that the pharisees are being hypocritical, but that is all we've ever seen. What is the right way? How do we approach God?' And Christ says, 'Call him your Father. Honor and worship him. Be humble. Be his children. Yearn for the coming of his kingdom. Trust that he will give you all you need. Be contrite and ask forgiveness and forgive each other. Ask him to spare you and protect you from evil.' Seriously? 

Between God giving us graces/gifts/virtues/talents that we are meant to share and serve with (but not that we earn or merit - they are gifts!) and being taught to pray in a way that is an intimate and daily journey through life with God as Father, how could we ever get so wrapped up that we think things depend on us?? Oh, but we do! We do so very often. I know I do. And then the stress, the anxiety, the fear.. it eats us alive. I can't sleep on Sunday nights because every Monday there's that worry about all that must be accomplished. Really? I mean, we DO have to use what we are given and put our whole energies into things, I'm certainly not advocating laziness! But the difference is the peace in our hearts, and the peace in our hearts is regulated by our self awareness of God's perfect Love and mercy or our failure to acknowledge his power and goodness. He's either perfect love or he isn't. He's either all powerful or he isn't. He either humbled himself to shed his blood on a cross in Jerusalem 2,000 years ago so that we could live one day forever with him, or he didn't. Since I'm holding here that he DID, I think it's fair to say that it isn't up to us. The Lord will always provide, we need to go before him in faith. We need to humbly trust. We need to never lose hope.

One last word of Scripture for encouragement - 

"The eyes of the LORD are upon those who love him; he is their mighty shield and strong support, A shelter from the heat, a shade from the noonday sun, a guard against stumbling, a help against falling. He buoys up the spirits, brings a sparkle to the eyes, gives health and life and blessing." - Sirach 34:16-17

So get that dirt off your shoulder and keep your eyes fixed on Him.

It's all about Love.

You know those funny Christian songs that repeat things a lot and seem to say very little other than that God is good and we love him? Sometimes, I need those songs. Their purpose is a feeling more than developed lyrics. Sometimes they offer one profound thought, or one focus for your heart, and the rest of the time you are just being kept on track while you allow that single idea to settle and take root in you. Songs like "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord"... not that much of a new concept. But when you listen to the whole song, you understand the basic theme of praising God, in the good and bad times. Or "Lay it Down".. even more simple. You surrender yourself and your life to God. That's the crux, and the whole song. The songs that are a few short lines that find themselves repeated are often the ones that most swiftly lead you to true worship. You aren't worrying about following the notes all over the staff, and you aren't concerned with the words that are coming up either; simply, you enter into prayer. 

Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am a critic of music. Especially certain types, which I will not get into here. And likewise there are certain forms that I am very devoted to. The bands I love most are those that I find ingenious - those whose lyrics turn simple thoughts and phrases upside down or inside out, and allow me to think about life in new ways. I love poetry, and I love thinking outside of the box. I love imagery and analogy. The bands that run along these lines are those that I truly enjoy. However, that does not mean that each genre of music does not have it's place. I love jazz, and classical, and orchestra and latin chorus and punk and rock and boy bands and girls who sing their hearts out... each in their own place. When I need to get out some frustration, I will go run to my fun/angry/punky/yell-about-life songs. And when I need to be quiet and find peace, or even more importantly, pray, the Christian songs that are "worshipful" are the best. 

That being said, when I write a song that is in that style of worship-music, I get excited. I love repetition, when it is good. However, often when I go back I find myself disappointed with the music because it seems so tame or emotionless. That is when I recall that the purpose was for me to get over myself and into a place of communication and prayer, a place where I can thank God for life specifically in the form of music. In that case, I can't allow my annoyance that this song is nowhere near the symphony I feel God actually deserves. He wants to embrace us. Some people, I know, do not find music in anyway prayerful or worshipful, and these "Christian songs" are the worst. That's fine. I have found them to be excellent ways for me to pray, especially when I am with friends or family and can praise together. 

So here are some lyrics that were running through my head today. Granted, you can't hear the music (because I'm not going to put it on youtube right now.. I'm supposed to be writing a 10 page paper, haha), so you don't know the melody and that is part of the experience. But as it is, I wanted to put the words down. I wrote the song a few years ago, and periodically it just gets stuck in my head. 

We stand before your body.

We stand before your blood.

What gift could ever measure up

to the Love that you are?

So take my heart, it's all I have.

Take my faith, it's in your hands.

Take my life, all of my heart,

Take my fears and show me you.

We stand before your body,

and we stand before your blood.

What gift will ever measure up

to the Love that you are?

Take my heart, it's all I have.

Take my faith, it's in your hands.

Take my life, all of my heart, 

Take my fears and show me you.

Behold the body of Christ.

Behold, the God of the universe.

Behold the King of the world.

Behold, the Lamb who was slain.

If all that I am,

Would be only yours.

What could I fear?

What could I fail to love?

I'll be very honest here, I love music and poetry. I love words. I'm not always good at them though. Sometimes it comes very easily, and sometimes I feel like I can't find that natural rhythm that is usually there. But when I do find the current that is running inside of my veins and allow myself to float along its course, I usually find myself surprised at how simple it all is. Sometimes I want to be able to develop something truly literarily spectacular, but I understand that if what inspires me is sitting still in a tree or by myself somewhere, I'm probably going to reflect the simplicity of my inspiration. And once again, I'm just not a genius. :)

So anyway, go read St. John the Beloved, St. John Chrysostom, St. Therese of Lisieux, or any other of those wonderful saints whose poetry is truly gripping if you need something beautiful to mull over. In fact, read John Paul II, especially The Jeweler's Shop, a play he wrote. 

But take time to allow things to settle inside of you. I cannot tell you how often I need to slow myself down to hear my heart beat before I carry on with life. I see myself running off like the little four year old I was, getting lost in the mall because I forgot to look at where my mom was going, I was so intent on getting to whatever temptation the toy store may have held. Nothing has really changed. Deadlines, papers, friends, "fun," etc... the things that demand my time and effort and energy and presence begin to get me running toward them too fast, much too fast. Then I arrive and realize I left "me" behind. That is a terrible feeling, realizing you didn't bring the real "you" along because you were in too much of a rush. Give yourself time to breathe, to think, to discover, to wonder, to be. 

Allow the world to present to you its gifts. The dawn awaits your eyes, awaits your heart. Those pinks and purples and blues are painting the clouds and buildings and that ever-so-gentle sunlight is peaking over the horizon, hoping to meet your eager gaze. But where are you? Staring at the jerk in front of you who just cut you off in the four lane highway that you aren't getting anywhere fast on? (That would be my life.) The dawn is still there, right in front of your eyes. Do you want to see it? Will you allow it to bring its beauty before you? Gosh! How often this world, and PEOPLE, come before us, offering us their goodness. How often your coworkers have some small personal achievement in the day that is truly worthy of your appreciation. Although it may have been a minute task, they preformed it with the beauty that only they could bring to it. How often my coworker's issues mean little to me. What they have to offer goes overlooked because I can't slow down. 

Let us take some time to stand before life. Before God. Before others. Before ourselves. Who are you? Who is the Lord? Who are these people in your life? What is this life? Why do you do anything that you do? We never want to bother to ask these questions because the worst fear might just come to be true - that we aren't doing it for love, but because we are slaves. We cannot bear to live that way. It is a half-life. God has set us free. Free from sin and free from a world that would teach us that love isn't real, or isn't to be trusted. How foolish. God is the only true and eternal thing, the one who holds all of life in place, and we would believe that he is a fantasy or fictitious, just so that we don't have to face the pain that is entailed in love. What are we thinking? Pain is because we need to grow. Love is because we are. Love is how we are. To be should be to love. If that is not our life, we must find ways to make it our life.  Nothing else is going to satisfy! Nothing is truly enough, other than what is real love. We will always feel incomplete without Him. Even when we do pray and do strive to love, we face satan's temptations and the world's lies, teaching us to distrust the goodness and faithfulness of our Father. How often I am still tempted to disappointment and loneliness because I listen to the lies instead of the truth! The more we are in the habit of putting ourselves somewhere where we can be still and quiet, and truly pray, the more we will be able to weed out the truth from the lies, and hear only the voice we should hear. The only voice that speaks in love.

I'll end with my favorite image of all time. I've placed it on this blog before, but the face of love never gets old.

Amen.