Most Holy Spirit, Enflame Us

I want to be where the light is. 


"Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too. If I fly with the wings of dawn and alight beyond the sea, Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand hold me fast. If I say, "Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light" -- Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one." Psalm 139:5-12


"What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." Jn 1:3-5


"I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing!" Lk 12:49


There are perhaps too many things to say about love. About zeal. About passion. About what the truth should mean to us and for us. There are so many aspects of what it means to be consumed by the Holy Fire. 


Saints upon saints have found all that they need to lay down their very lives for the sake of Christ the King within the sweetness of the Holy Spirit's intoxication. All the courage and zeal that could be found within a heart are necessarily enflamed when the soul seeks to be so filled and so consumed with Him. 


There should always be a two-fold aspect to this burning, similar to what we hear about in the story of the widow with seven sons who all die rather than forsake their faith. It is about humility and purgation, and then it is about faith and trust. This is the process of a life entrusted to Our Lord in the Spirit, and especially if we are also dedicated and consecrated to his holy Mother, Mary. She who had no sin and who was the most humble was able to live in the greatest faith and deepest trust any human has ever known. She is our perfect model, for she is the most perfect imitator of her Son, and she is truly Spouse of the Spirit. Daughter, Spouse and Mother of God! Gifts completely unasked for, unmerited, simply given and accepted and loved and cared for and cherished in this pure Virgin's Heart. 


Sorry, getting on a bit of a tangent (which is nearly unavoidable for me when I think about Our Lady), but back to the consuming fire! I am reading through the preparation for Consecration to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort, and yesterday's reflection spoke of the willingness to see ourselves as dust. Do we really want to know how sinful we are? Could we even handle it? I often fear I can't. If you love someone you want to make them happy, and to know that you are constantly failing to do this - it's a little disheartening. But only when it is conceived in that fashion. The TRUTH is that we are loved, infinitely, undeservingly, unconditionally, passionately, powerfully, purely, freely, consistently, faithfully, enduringly, perfectly. Yes, we will always fall short of this love. Yes, we will continue to sin. No, that will never separate us from his love if we are always seeking his mercy and striving to do better! He does not lose his children. We may wander off, but he always knows where we are, and he comes for us himself when we need him. 


So to address our sinfulness, to acknowledge it, to look at ourselves... this is important. And ick! It is never fun. But we cannot fear what is brought to our souls by Perfect Love. If we invite Him in, ask to be cleansed, seek forgiveness, admit our failure and are truly contrite - how quickly he will heal us! And this is something we should do often, daily. Of course, the Sacrament of Reconciliation is absolutely necessary and should be frequented often, especially (and immediately) if there is any danger of mortal sin. But even outside of the beauty and gift of efficacious grace that comes to us through the Sacrament, we should daily be willing to acknowledge our weakness and seek the grace to be made whole once more. 


This is what is so wonderful about the simple prayer of "Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in them the fire of your love..." To be warmed. To allow the fingers hot with the heat of holy love to melt away the ice from our hearts, to heal the aching wounds of our soul, to purge the darkness that clings to our mind, to burn within us so that there is no room for what is not of Him. 


What would this world be like if we were all little St. Thereses or St. Francises or St. Pauls? What if "zeal for His house" truly consumed us? What if we could not stand still! What if all of our energies were constantly burning up for the sake of his Kingdom here on earth! If every breath was a prayer. Every struggle made a sacrifice. Every long day of work made an offering. Every tedious task made on behalf of those in need. Every boring conversation, every disservice done to us, every rude driver or unkind coworker or terrible day of traffic given up in love for another. What if every thought that was tempted to hate or jealousy was caught in time and turned to mercy and love? What if every darkness that invaded, every lie that tried to take us hostage, every temptation to self-love over self-gift was conquered at the door by the blaze of Love within our hearts!? We would not recognize our world. 


How empty our lives often are. How hallow they become. Day in and out we fall away from community and family. Day by day we walk more on the path of solitude hoping to escape all the demands that threaten our meager existence, threaten to shatter our already-broken peace. Moment by moment we become more self-satisfied, more complacent, more accepting of our pitiful state. No longer does the realization of our humble presence make us weep! No longer do we lower our heads in shame. More often it is the safety of disinterestedness or indifference that blankets our ugliness. We do not grasp at crowns, but we do not balk at the image in the mirror. We are what we are, let it be. 


World! Brothers and sisters, my friends, myself - Christ wept over us. He wept because we were not on fire. He wept because we were lukewarm, and were to be spit out of the mouth rather than ingested into the Fire of the Trinity. We cannot accept this! Why should we? Why would we prefer chains to freedom? Why would we like our putrid pens when we have the open door staring us in the face? "And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God." Jn 3:19-21 We cannot remain still! We cannot be at home in the dark. We were not created for it. We were meant to see. We cannot be satisfied with blindness. Right before the verses I just shared from John Christ says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him." Jn 3:16-17 This is the hope, the victory, the mercy, the truth, the delight, the joy, the life that is offered to us all! Oh, that we would not hesitate to take it.


Let us pray to be burned up. To have the grace to look at ourselves in truth, the grace to ask for the grace to look at ourselves in truth. Let us pray that we can be truly contrite, and be healed of our infirmary. Let us pray that we can learn to build up habits of virtue in our lives, and habits of prayer, so that when the enemy comes for us we shall stand in the light. Let us be thankful, always and in everything, even in our trials and failures, because they too lead us back to his Heart, back into the Fire of the Holy Spirit. Let us never lose faith. 


Thomas a Kempis said,
“Love flies, runs, and rejoices; it is free and nothing can hold it back.”

O Burden, Why art thou?

Silly weight of the world, get off my shoulder!

You know, between the readings of mass emphasizing things such as persistence and humility and obedience and conversion and all of the personal aspects of my crazy life, I felt it was a good time to reflect on how to handle the weight of the world.

 

I think I'll call it a spiritual irony that I read "The Diary of a Country Priest" this semester as part of a book forum for my graduate studies. I will post an entire reflection on this book because it may be in my top five favorite of all time. However, as usual, I have no time and should be working on a 20 page paper. Yippee.  

I truly think that most people will find when reading this book (which I implore you to do) that they read their own hearts within the priest's story. His miserable littleness, and often thwarted works made him so severely aware of his failings. He simply seems to not possess any of the needed talents for being good at what he has set his life to do (serving his little community). 

Yet, they did not cause him to despair. In fact, he seems to become more reckless than ever as he realizes how little any good fruit that came was of him. 

Huh? You might ask. 

We need to be like this. Our hearts have to look at this (very sick) amount of work we have to do and just smile. For me it's the laundry list of reading and writing, along with all those pesky chores like feeding myself that never seem to go away. The thing is, it is not us who accomplish things. We try, we give our effort, even when our effort is minimal... but the Lord is the one who accomplishes. 

Some of my favorite Scripture passages that have been dancing around in my head concerning this are as follows:

"O LORD, you mete out peace to us, for it is you who have accomplished all we have done." - Isaiah 26:12

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where (I) am going you know the way." - Jn. 14:1-4

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts. For just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down And do not return there till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful, Giving seed to him who sows and bread to him who eats, So shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to me void, but shall do my will, achieving the end for which I sent it." - Isaiah 55:8-11

The Gospel today was about the servants who were given certain gold coins and then who gave the master more on his return or the unfortunate one who buried the coin. It isn't really "suggested" or even "highly recommended" that we open our hands and trust that the Lord will fill them. That is the only way we can be a healthy part of the Body of Christ. I'm renewing the Consecration to Mary through the preparation of St. Louis de Montfort and today the reflection covered the apostles going to Jesus and saying, "Lord, teach us to pray as John taught his disciples." The humility present here, or perhaps more specifically, the child-like virtue, struck me deeply. I mean, really, how often do I think "I wish I knew how to pray"? Not too often, to be honest. But in response to such simple honesty, Christ gives such a gift! He tells them, "When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and do not subject us to the final test" (Lk 11:1-4). 

Please be struck with me! 'Hey, Jesus, how do you pray? What are we supposed to say? You tell us that the pharisees are being hypocritical, but that is all we've ever seen. What is the right way? How do we approach God?' And Christ says, 'Call him your Father. Honor and worship him. Be humble. Be his children. Yearn for the coming of his kingdom. Trust that he will give you all you need. Be contrite and ask forgiveness and forgive each other. Ask him to spare you and protect you from evil.' Seriously? 

Between God giving us graces/gifts/virtues/talents that we are meant to share and serve with (but not that we earn or merit - they are gifts!) and being taught to pray in a way that is an intimate and daily journey through life with God as Father, how could we ever get so wrapped up that we think things depend on us?? Oh, but we do! We do so very often. I know I do. And then the stress, the anxiety, the fear.. it eats us alive. I can't sleep on Sunday nights because every Monday there's that worry about all that must be accomplished. Really? I mean, we DO have to use what we are given and put our whole energies into things, I'm certainly not advocating laziness! But the difference is the peace in our hearts, and the peace in our hearts is regulated by our self awareness of God's perfect Love and mercy or our failure to acknowledge his power and goodness. He's either perfect love or he isn't. He's either all powerful or he isn't. He either humbled himself to shed his blood on a cross in Jerusalem 2,000 years ago so that we could live one day forever with him, or he didn't. Since I'm holding here that he DID, I think it's fair to say that it isn't up to us. The Lord will always provide, we need to go before him in faith. We need to humbly trust. We need to never lose hope.

One last word of Scripture for encouragement - 

"The eyes of the LORD are upon those who love him; he is their mighty shield and strong support, A shelter from the heat, a shade from the noonday sun, a guard against stumbling, a help against falling. He buoys up the spirits, brings a sparkle to the eyes, gives health and life and blessing." - Sirach 34:16-17

So get that dirt off your shoulder and keep your eyes fixed on Him.

God's Vision of Love I, Created in His Image

I realize that my blogging has become far more infrequent. Forgive me. I'm a grad student who is going crazy. But on the bright side, I will be posting a series of talks I'm giving on Theology of the Body. They are not part of my "Adequate Anthropology" series, because that is a thing of its own.  They will cover some similar topics, however. They are meant to be addressed to an adult audience, and give a general overview of the principles taught in John Paul II's great work. I realize that reading the content is very different from hearing the presentation. We have been recording the talks, so I may be able to post them some day as mp3 or a podcast, but for now you'll have to be satisfied with text. I would also ask that if you would want to use this material/replicate it in some way, that you ask me first. 


So the series was titled "God's Vision of Love" as a way to communicate the idea behind the teaching - to come to know God as love and how human love is in his image. 


The first talk focused mainly on the groundwork - the story of creation and the fall, and how God made man in his original state, in His likeness. To be fair, I'm basically taking my talk outline and trying to embellish it a little, so bear with the poor structure of the paragraphs. The ideas are well ordered, but the reading might be challenging. So here is Lecture 1, "Created in His Image": 


 Scripture – New Wineskins (Lk. 5:37) + New Hearts (Ez 36:25-27)
These two passages speak about the Lord doing something new in us. To receive the truth in a new way, as Christ reveals it, we must be made into new vessels, purified and holy, to be able to hold the "new wine." Likewise, in the Old Testament the words of the prophet Ezekiel speak to this same message - that God desires us to be undone and remade, able to receive the good that he has to give us. 


So we want to approach this teaching with open hearts and open minds. This is not a new teaching in that the Holy Father only builds off of the Tradition of our faith throughout history, but it is a new approach, a new way of seeing. We want to be able to enter into this vision, to have our eyes opened. The program is going to be in the same context of Scripture and Creation, which is Jesus, the Word. Christ is our principle model and the Image we were created in. This is a fundamental point of the Holy Father’s teaching.

Basic terms and ideas that we need to define: 

What is the “Theology of the Body”? 

What is Theology? In simple and general terms, Theology is the study of God. Coming to know him, striving to understand the mysteries he has revealed to us.

What is meant by “body”? What is Anthropology? The study of man - likewise seeking to better know and understand human nature and what it is to be human. 

The Theology of the Body is coming to understand God’s creation, most especially mankind, made in His Image and Likeness, and what that means for our lives. It is coming to see what "anthropology" means to God, in his context, according to his plan. It is seeking to know what was intended for us from the beginning by our Creator. 

Some brief points on the whole series - 

This is a 4-part series, and each is going to flow into the other. They are meant to be understood in context of one another, in the context of the whole story.

Again, we are calling it God’s Vision of Love because this is a consideration of how God sees man, and the world, and how we are called to share in this vision. When we understand the love that holds us together, it changes how we see ourselves, one another and the world. Specifically, we will draw from a quote found in the Vatican document Gaudiem et Spes, or Joy and Hope, the Church in the Modern World: 

“The truth is that only in the mystery of the incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light. For Adam, the first man, was a figure of Him Who was to come, namely Christ the Lord. Christ, the final Adam, by the revelation of the mystery of the Father and His love, fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear. It is not surprising, then, that in Him all the aforementioned truths find their root and attain their crown.” – G et S, 22

It is important to keep in mind that vital phrase, "Christ...fully reveals man to himself." 

So we begin where the Holy Father begins, with Genesis, “In the Beginning.”

Genesis 2:4-7, 18-25 and Gen. 1:27

The first questions we ask of this story is the why and what?

God creates.  Our existence comes as a gift. We are. This is the “What”.

Why? Because God is love. As love himself, he desires to share his goodness and perfection. So he creates us in His Image, after his Son, Christ.

What this part of the Creation story communicates is the beauty of human nature before the fall. And the beauty of the whole world, of all creation, before sin enters. It is our “original” state.

This original state remains with us all, even after the entrance of sin through the Fall. We still retain aspects of this original purity within us, simply by being human.

Some important definitions to aid us in understanding our "original state" of humanity:

Original Innocence – there is a purity of heart within man, for no concupiscence exists. We do not suffer temptation or lust, we do not reduce others or fail to love them fully. God is our first and whole occupation.

Original Solitude – This is first and foremost our solitude before God. It is each man and woman known totally, inside and out, by the Lord and Father in heaven. It is also the solitude of all of mankind in the world, as we are set apart, finding no equal among creation, being the “height” of God’s creative work.

Original Unity – This is the ability to be in a deep union with God and one another that is premised upon the original innocence and lack of sin in our relationships. There can be a total vulnerability, a full openness, a perfect giving and receiving between persons because there is nothing to hold us back, no failure to love as we ought. Also, it is the shared nature of man and woman, the sameness that they experience in their similar nature of child of God. They are in a unity that is equal but different. (Will talk about that more later)

Original Nakedness – As Adam and Eve first see one another and are sure of the goodness of the other person, expressed in the naked body, they know no sin or shame. There is no lust present. Neither demean the other or think only of certain parts of the other person. Because of their original innocence, they are able to see the other person as they are, sharing in this vision that God has of them. There is no shame because neither is tempted to use the other.

We are embodied souls, a union of physical and spiritual. All that we are interiorly is made visible and expressed exteriorly. All that we are exteriorly directly speaks of what is interior. They cannot be separated! In the original nakedness, we are able to know the person in the seeing of the body. This is the holy vision.

These "originals" are gifts inscribed in the being of man, in our nature.

Sin, sadly, is also carried on through our nature after the fall. It does not cancel out these good things that constitute us, but it does create a struggle for us.  Man now has to deal with sin and its effects. 

What is Concupiscence? It is the disposition in the heart of man to selfishness, pride, evil…to sin. It is the invitation to disobedience that arises so often in our lives. It is the scales on our eyes that make it impossible to see ourselves, others or the world in the light of Truth and Love that God has created them in, unless we have help. We will talk more about the remedy for concupiscence that Christ brings us later in the program.

Christ comes to free us. The Church teaches that Scripture is always to be understood as a “whole”, with the Old Testament and New Testament completing one another. Christ is the key to the Scriptures. He is the Word. All of human history points to him. He was at the beginning, when we were created in Love. He is the final end which we are moving toward. Christ comes to free us from sin, to invite us into a new and different participation in the life of God than we would have known even before the Fall. We are able to be made even more new, new wineskins and new hearts.

There was a good question brought up during this talk concerning the very First Sin. If concupiscence did not exist yet, why would Eve even have been tempted? If this original innocence was so pure, why would she choose sin. I have heard the question before, and the answer that I have heard given which I found to make sense is as follows: Satan did not tempt even in the way we know temptations now. It was not a lust for an apple that looked too good to pass up, as we might not be able to walk by starbucks some days. It was much worse. The devil's words went to the very heart of the original state of man. He says, "The serpent asked the woman, "Did God really tell you not to eat from any of the trees in the garden?" The woman answered the serpent: "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; it is only about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, 'You shall not eat it or even touch it, lest you die.'" But the serpent said to the woman: "You certainly will not die! No, God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad." (Gen. 3:1-5) 

It is not even that the serpent tempts them to thinking of making themselves "like God" rather than allowing that God has already made them so much like himself, when they were made out of nothing. Even before this temptation, what he is doing is casting doubt on the gift of God. Casting doubt on God himself, on his love, on who he is. Doubt that he would be honest, that he would be always perfect, that everything that he does or says is good and true. Doubt that he would actually make creatures so like himself. 

This is a serious crisis. If God is not God, and his love is not perfect, all of life is upside down. This does not excuse the sin, and so there is certainly just punishment from God for the disobedience, but it is easier to understand how the innocence was confused by this lie, rather than the heart tempted as it is by concupiscence.

(And as an aside, I hope that is helpful and also not heretical in any way, lol. I will always reiterate my disclaimer - when speaking of things theological, I may be very wrong. We are speaking of the One, Holy, Triune God. So first I strive always to be in agreement and obedience to the Roman Catholic Church and our Holy Father Pope Benedict XVI, and then I hope and pray that the Holy Spirit guides my words. But if I am ever out of place, I beg forgiveness and hope to correct it.)

Ok, so that's basically the first talk. I will get around to the next three soon enough. If you ever read this, pray for me. And pray for our Church, and the world, and our family of brothers and sisters in Christ. Pray for purity. Pray for humility. Pray that hearts be made new. Mary, Queen of Peace, pray for us.

Father, forgive them.

Yo peeps.
What can I tell you? If I had time to write the million things running through my head right now you would not have the time to read them all, that is for sure.
Do you know the feeling of your mind blowing up (thus making that convenient black hole we've all been told about) and everything being sucked up in a vacuum that then just deposits it all back where it started?
One day it will fall more neatly into place. For now, this is what I can grasp.

We have a very short time to learn how to love.

Love is not what we think it is.

We are no longer taught how to be humble. Therefore, only in those beautiful souls who seems to have been given such graces will we be able to see this humility brought to life. When we do see it, we must love it. We must want to imitate it with all that we are. We must pray for this grace.
Innocence is far from being something laughable. No, innocence is inexorably bound in purity. And purity goes nowhere without her sister, humility.
And these are the family members that strive to build true love in the heart of man.

We do not even understand what humility is!

Oh, it is a disposition of thinking less of yourself than of others. But it is far more, far deeper than that. No one can help those thoughts that spring into your head of their own accord that demand that you laugh at what someone is wearing or doubt the sanity of another human being or perhaps wonder if they've ever heard of soap, etc... Humility must be a disposition of the soul. It must possess you, as any passion would. Yes! Can you imagine being passionately humble? You must be. We must be. That is the path to love.

To be humble is to see ourselves as God sees us. He is the only Truth, and so humility means to see ourselves in truth. But once we see ourselves this way, that vision must be our only reality, our only truth. It cannot be that we are sometimes so sad and pathetic, or sometimes so weak or selfish, or sometimes so proud and vain, but other times not. No, we are always those things. And therefore, we are always in need of forgiveness, always in need of mercy, always in need of assistance and grace!

Does this mean we can do no good? Of course not! Quite the contrary! Just because we are so empty, we can be filled. So we can do great good, we can love with great love. But by this fundamental qualification - Only by the Lord. Only in His Spirit. Only because of grace. It is He who loves in us, through us.

Oh! There's a great song by Jeremy Camp called "Empty Me" that has the general idea down:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl85EU33jgo

Moreover, what is charity? Oh! Don't we see how humility and charity and purity truly come hand in hand, as little ones running to us with open arms, waiting for us to embrace them and hold them close? It is so simple! If my heart is pure I will be looking to see with eyes of purity, with a vision of the Lord. I will see in another his hurt or her sorrow, his need or her emptiness, his joy or her excitement, and I will share these things. I will bear them within me, take them within me. I will do what Christ did, and assume the suffering and joy of each of my brothers and sisters. I will be focused on those things, and on aiding them, serving them. I will not be worried about their appearances or social skills or statuses, etc... How could I be so blind? How could I fail to understand the other? Purity helps me to see, and humility helps me to take them into myself. Charity is the seal, the bond over life that binds me with my brothers and sisters and reveals our common hope.

If I want to love, I will learn more of humility. I will pray for the grace to be truly humble. Every time I begin to be shallow, judgmental, hard hearted, or even hateful, I will begin to pray to be changed. Transformation is never easy, and building habits takes time, and assuming virtues can take a lifetime - but we must! What kind of life will we have lived, if at the end we cannot say that we've learned what true love is? What kind of reality do we think we exist in? It is a reality where Love pervades all things! It is a reality where Love is our glue, our fiber, our reason. Will we stand outside of that reality and mock it? Or refuse it entry into our lives? May it not be so!

Oh Lord, make our hearts like unto thine. Sweet Mother, defend us from all evil.

Poetic Last Days, October

Oh no. I forgot this post yesterday. Well, a day late, let's have a tribute to St. Therese of Lisieux's poetry, since it is "her" month. :)

This poem is titled, "To Live of Love" -

1. The eve His life of love drew near its end,
Thus Jesus spoke: "Whoever loveth Me,
And keeps My word as Mine own faithful friend,
My Father, then and I his guests will be;
Within his heart will make Our dwelling above.
Our palace home, true type of heaven above.
There, filled with peace, We will that he shall rest,
With us, in love.

2. Incarnate Word! Thou Word of God alone!
To live of love, 'tis to abide with Thee.
Thou knowest I love Thee, Jesus Christ, my Own!
Thy Spirit's fire of love enkindleth me.
By loving Thee, I draw the Father here
Down to my heart, to stay with me always.
Blest Trinity! Thou art my prisoner dear,
Of love, to-day.

3. To live of love, 'tis by Thy life to live,
O glorious King, my chosen, sole Delight!
Hid in the Host, how often Thou dost give
Thyself to those who seek Thy radiant light.
Then hid shall be my life, unmarked, unknown,
That I may have Thee heart to heart with me;
For loving souls desire to be alone,
With love, and Thee!

4. To live of love, 'tis not to fix one's tent
On Tabor's height and there with Thee remain.
'Tis to climb Calvary with strength nigh spent,
And count Thy heavy cross our truest gain.
In heaven, my life a life of joy shall be,
The heavy cross shall then be gone for aye.
Here upon earth, in suffering with Thee,
Love! let me stay.

5. To live of love, 'tis without stint to give,
An never count the cost, nor ask reward;
So, counting not the cost, I long to live
And show my dauntless love for Thee, dear Lord!
O Heart Divine, o'erflowing with tenderness,
How swift I run, who all to Thee has given!
Naught but Thy love I need, my life to bless.
That love is heaven!

6. To live of love, it is to know no fear;
No memory of past faults can I recall;
No imprint of my sins remaineth here;
The fire of Love divine effaces all.
O sacred flames! O furnace of delight!
I sing my safe sweet happiness to prove.
In these mild fires I dwell by day, by night.
I live of love!

7. To live of love, 'tis in my heart to guard
A mighty treasure in a fragile vase.
Weak, weak, am I, O well?beloved Lord!
Nor have I yet an angel's perfect grace.
But, if I fall each hour that hurries by,
Thou com'st to me from Thy bright home above,
And, raising me, dost give me strength to cry:
I live of love!

8. To live of love it is to sail afar
And bring both peace and joy where'er I be.
0 Pilot blest! love is my guiding star;
In every soul I meet, Thyself I see.
Safe sail I on, through wind or rain or ice;
Love urges me, love conquers every gale.
High on my mast behold is my device:
"By love I sail!"

9. To live of love, it is when Jesus sleeps
To sleep near Him, though stormy waves beat nigh.
Deem not I shall awake Him! On these deeps
Peace reigns, like that the Blessed know.on high.
To Hope, the vovage seems one little day;
Faith's hand shall soon the veil between remove;
'Tis Charity that swells my sail alway.
I live of love!

10. To live of love, 0 Master dearest, best!
It is to beg Thee light Thy holiest fires
Within the soul of each anointed priest,
Till he shall feel the Seraphim's desires;
It is to beg Thee guard Thy Church, 0 Christ!
For this I plead with Thee by night, by day;
And give myself, in sacrifice unpriced,
With love alway!
11. To live of love, it is to dry Thy tears,
To seek for pardon for each sinful soul,
To strive to save all men from doubts and fears,
And bring them home to Thy benign control.
Comes to my ear sin's wild and blasphemous roar;
So, to efface each day, that burning shame,
I cry: " 0 Jesus Christ! I Thee adore.
I love Thy Name!"
12. To live of love, 'tis Mary's part to share,
To bathe with tears and odorous perfume
Thy holy feet, to wipe them with my hair,
To kiss them; then still loftier lot assume,?
To rise, and by Thy side to take my place,
And pour my ointments on Thy holy head.
But with no balsams I embalm Thy Face!
'Tis love, instead!

13. "To live of love, ?what foolishness she sings!"
So cries the world. "Renounce such idle jov!
Waste not thy perfumes on such trivial things.
In useful arts thy talents now employ!"
To love Thee, Jesus! Ah, this loss is gain;
For all my perfumes no reward seek I.
Quitting the world, I sing in death's sweet pain:
Of love I die!

14. To die of love, O martyrdom most blest!
For this I long, this is my heart's desire;
My exile ends; I soon will be at rest.
Ye Cherubim, lend, lend to me your lyre!
O dart of Seraphim, O flame of love,
Consume me wholly; hear my ardent cry!
Jesu, make reall my dream! Come Holy Dove!
Of love I die!
15. To die of love, behold my life's long hope!
God is my one exceeding great reward.
He of my wishes forms the end and scope;
Him only do I seek; my dearest Lord.
With passionate love for Him my heart is riven.
O may He quickly come! He draweth nigh!
Behold my destiny, behold my heaven,--
OF LOVE TO DIE.

February 25, 1895
Poems of St. Teresa, Carmelite of Lisieux,
known as The "Little Flower of Jesus,"
Translated by S.L. Emery,

Can You Stand Still?

I am an interesting combination of personality. Most would call me an extrovert. Those who know me well understand my deep introverted side. I am both. I need people. I love people. I am the oldest of seven kids... you can't escape needing people when you grow up in a small house full of people! I also need space, and quiet, and alone time. You also can't escape needing solitary times of reflection and introspection when you live in a small house full of people!

Yet, I was that was before we moved into a smaller house and before we had as many people in the family. I've always needed both. You can ask my parents. When I was eight and nine I would go wandering off in our woods, thinking I'd been gone for 20 mins only to find it had been hours and they were freaking out that I might have died or something (you can sense my contrition, can't you? lol). At the same time that I yearned for this solitary adventure, I would return to life so refreshed that you would barely be able to contain me. My parents were always encouraging me to "go outside and play"... being old enough to understand what that means now, that translates to "you are WAY too hyperactive, so go get out your energy and don't come back until you'll stop breaking things and running your siblings into dressers..." (oops, again). Yeah.

So many things never really leave us, and I am in so many ways just the same, although I've learned very well how to mask it all. Those who sit next to me most often in class know that my leg is always bouncing or my fingers tapping or my attention span spreading to include fun comics and little notes and side comments that may or may not pertain to the lecture (most recently those comics depict me hitting my head against a wall repeatedly). And on the other side of life, I get home and am all too happy to become a recluse, playing guitar or reading or just being alone.

In the spiritual realm of life, this is easy to understand, even if in psychology is is less so. I have two options. Go to prayer, and actually listen. Really receive. Allow the Lord to tell me who I am. Receive his love. Or go to prayer and... not receive. Fail to really hear his words. Fail to know myself anew.
When I receive, his Love is abundant. It overflows. There's a crazy torrent running through me and there is no practical way to handle that aside from allowing it to spill all over the place onto others around me.
When I think I am static and that perhaps, I already know myself... that is when I suffer. When I decide the wineskin isn't quite worn out, and it could stand another day or two before I need to face getting re-outfitted, that is when I can't handle the world.

How can I give if I do not receive? Moreover, how can I receive from others (and the world at large) if I do not give? There needs to be some emptiness for what others bring to have somewhere to go. I can't pay attention or care or be compassionate or focused if there's just too much inside that isn't being moved through me. That's where the introvert can cause real problems. When my introspection does not lead to greater self-love and then greater self-gift, but instead remains fixated on whatever issues or problems or skills have caught its attention. Then I remain self-absorbed and unable to really relate to others.
On the other side of the coin, the extrovert can cause just as many problems, because the more I get caught up in the "high" of joy that I often have when I am around friends and family, I assume a level of "everything is good in life" that also means "no need to pay attention to myself" and therefore means "suddenly, I don't know who this girl is anymore." I hope that makes sense.

The point is that the need for balance is very evident. Too much of a good thing never made more sense than when dealing with our hearts and souls. To go to the Lord and receive and hear and allow him to speak is vital and necessary. But to stay there and never go out and give from the abundance, to never get emptied so that I can return to be refilled.. that's no good either. I must enter into a continuous (and dare I say, habitual) cycle of being given to, and then giving from that wealth. Once I am a pauper again (which should be the next day), I will return for more of what I need. The "cycle" shouldn't scare me, but encourage me. I should be thrilled that every day is another point of discovery, of starting over. Not that anything has been lost from the day before, but exactly the opposite: everything from the day before was so potent that who I am now ought to be someone new. I ought to be changed, touched, reformed, affected in some way, from my interactions with the world and God.

Truly, the balance is generally much harder to maintain than simply going to prayer with an open heart. There are weekends or weeks where no time is "your time" and you just loathe people by the end. There are also weekends or weeks where the emptiness of the house or the lack of relationships is the loudest echo that you've ever heard, and it perpetually goes on, and you fear you will never hear the end of it. Neither are good, to this extreme. Both are needed, when appropriately given.

The stillness we need to move, and the movement needs to be stilled.

It's all about Love.

You know those funny Christian songs that repeat things a lot and seem to say very little other than that God is good and we love him? Sometimes, I need those songs. Their purpose is a feeling more than developed lyrics. Sometimes they offer one profound thought, or one focus for your heart, and the rest of the time you are just being kept on track while you allow that single idea to settle and take root in you. Songs like "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord"... not that much of a new concept. But when you listen to the whole song, you understand the basic theme of praising God, in the good and bad times. Or "Lay it Down".. even more simple. You surrender yourself and your life to God. That's the crux, and the whole song. The songs that are a few short lines that find themselves repeated are often the ones that most swiftly lead you to true worship. You aren't worrying about following the notes all over the staff, and you aren't concerned with the words that are coming up either; simply, you enter into prayer. 

Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am a critic of music. Especially certain types, which I will not get into here. And likewise there are certain forms that I am very devoted to. The bands I love most are those that I find ingenious - those whose lyrics turn simple thoughts and phrases upside down or inside out, and allow me to think about life in new ways. I love poetry, and I love thinking outside of the box. I love imagery and analogy. The bands that run along these lines are those that I truly enjoy. However, that does not mean that each genre of music does not have it's place. I love jazz, and classical, and orchestra and latin chorus and punk and rock and boy bands and girls who sing their hearts out... each in their own place. When I need to get out some frustration, I will go run to my fun/angry/punky/yell-about-life songs. And when I need to be quiet and find peace, or even more importantly, pray, the Christian songs that are "worshipful" are the best. 

That being said, when I write a song that is in that style of worship-music, I get excited. I love repetition, when it is good. However, often when I go back I find myself disappointed with the music because it seems so tame or emotionless. That is when I recall that the purpose was for me to get over myself and into a place of communication and prayer, a place where I can thank God for life specifically in the form of music. In that case, I can't allow my annoyance that this song is nowhere near the symphony I feel God actually deserves. He wants to embrace us. Some people, I know, do not find music in anyway prayerful or worshipful, and these "Christian songs" are the worst. That's fine. I have found them to be excellent ways for me to pray, especially when I am with friends or family and can praise together. 

So here are some lyrics that were running through my head today. Granted, you can't hear the music (because I'm not going to put it on youtube right now.. I'm supposed to be writing a 10 page paper, haha), so you don't know the melody and that is part of the experience. But as it is, I wanted to put the words down. I wrote the song a few years ago, and periodically it just gets stuck in my head. 

We stand before your body.

We stand before your blood.

What gift could ever measure up

to the Love that you are?

So take my heart, it's all I have.

Take my faith, it's in your hands.

Take my life, all of my heart,

Take my fears and show me you.

We stand before your body,

and we stand before your blood.

What gift will ever measure up

to the Love that you are?

Take my heart, it's all I have.

Take my faith, it's in your hands.

Take my life, all of my heart, 

Take my fears and show me you.

Behold the body of Christ.

Behold, the God of the universe.

Behold the King of the world.

Behold, the Lamb who was slain.

If all that I am,

Would be only yours.

What could I fear?

What could I fail to love?

I'll be very honest here, I love music and poetry. I love words. I'm not always good at them though. Sometimes it comes very easily, and sometimes I feel like I can't find that natural rhythm that is usually there. But when I do find the current that is running inside of my veins and allow myself to float along its course, I usually find myself surprised at how simple it all is. Sometimes I want to be able to develop something truly literarily spectacular, but I understand that if what inspires me is sitting still in a tree or by myself somewhere, I'm probably going to reflect the simplicity of my inspiration. And once again, I'm just not a genius. :)

So anyway, go read St. John the Beloved, St. John Chrysostom, St. Therese of Lisieux, or any other of those wonderful saints whose poetry is truly gripping if you need something beautiful to mull over. In fact, read John Paul II, especially The Jeweler's Shop, a play he wrote. 

But take time to allow things to settle inside of you. I cannot tell you how often I need to slow myself down to hear my heart beat before I carry on with life. I see myself running off like the little four year old I was, getting lost in the mall because I forgot to look at where my mom was going, I was so intent on getting to whatever temptation the toy store may have held. Nothing has really changed. Deadlines, papers, friends, "fun," etc... the things that demand my time and effort and energy and presence begin to get me running toward them too fast, much too fast. Then I arrive and realize I left "me" behind. That is a terrible feeling, realizing you didn't bring the real "you" along because you were in too much of a rush. Give yourself time to breathe, to think, to discover, to wonder, to be. 

Allow the world to present to you its gifts. The dawn awaits your eyes, awaits your heart. Those pinks and purples and blues are painting the clouds and buildings and that ever-so-gentle sunlight is peaking over the horizon, hoping to meet your eager gaze. But where are you? Staring at the jerk in front of you who just cut you off in the four lane highway that you aren't getting anywhere fast on? (That would be my life.) The dawn is still there, right in front of your eyes. Do you want to see it? Will you allow it to bring its beauty before you? Gosh! How often this world, and PEOPLE, come before us, offering us their goodness. How often your coworkers have some small personal achievement in the day that is truly worthy of your appreciation. Although it may have been a minute task, they preformed it with the beauty that only they could bring to it. How often my coworker's issues mean little to me. What they have to offer goes overlooked because I can't slow down. 

Let us take some time to stand before life. Before God. Before others. Before ourselves. Who are you? Who is the Lord? Who are these people in your life? What is this life? Why do you do anything that you do? We never want to bother to ask these questions because the worst fear might just come to be true - that we aren't doing it for love, but because we are slaves. We cannot bear to live that way. It is a half-life. God has set us free. Free from sin and free from a world that would teach us that love isn't real, or isn't to be trusted. How foolish. God is the only true and eternal thing, the one who holds all of life in place, and we would believe that he is a fantasy or fictitious, just so that we don't have to face the pain that is entailed in love. What are we thinking? Pain is because we need to grow. Love is because we are. Love is how we are. To be should be to love. If that is not our life, we must find ways to make it our life.  Nothing else is going to satisfy! Nothing is truly enough, other than what is real love. We will always feel incomplete without Him. Even when we do pray and do strive to love, we face satan's temptations and the world's lies, teaching us to distrust the goodness and faithfulness of our Father. How often I am still tempted to disappointment and loneliness because I listen to the lies instead of the truth! The more we are in the habit of putting ourselves somewhere where we can be still and quiet, and truly pray, the more we will be able to weed out the truth from the lies, and hear only the voice we should hear. The only voice that speaks in love.

I'll end with my favorite image of all time. I've placed it on this blog before, but the face of love never gets old.

Amen.

Courage to be Humble

My friends,

The thought came to me this morning in the car: "If you have the courage to be humble, you will have the courage for everything else."

I was thinking about events of the past day. I had felt that "urge" to go pray with people outside the abortion clinic for the 40 Days for Life prayer vigil. I have been praying for them and with them, but I had not been able to actually stand there with them. So I went.

These adorable ladies were sitting there finishing a rosary, and it seemed they weren't sure if I was approaching them for help or to help. It is less expected that a young woman go stand there than a Grandma. But once I introduced myself they explained that they had been there for nearly two hours and needed to leave. Therefore, it would be up to me to stand by myself with a sign in one hand and a rosary in the other.

When I was little, my dad took my siblings and me with him somewhat regularly to pray outside clinics, so this wasn't a first time experience. However, this was the first time (excluding the March for Life each year) that I had been "an adult" praying outside of a clinic. I was somewhat surprised by my various emotions.

At first I was nervous, and wasn't really sure what to think. I had the "what are these people thinking of me" tension going on. I was also praying a rosary and trying to focus on the prayers and trying to overrule my self-concerned thoughts with thoughts about those people who were driving by and looking at me or those people who could possibly be inside the clinic. As time passed, I became more and more comfortable, and lost that edge of awkwardness. I started to feel even proud of myself in the situation. It's fun feeling like the lone fighter. Not to mention, I do look like a teenage when I'm standing on the side of the road in skinny jeans and a flannel, and for people who are looking at me and then the sign, that probably is a striking statement. Here's a girl who is young, and who could easily be part of the demographic that the campaign is trying to reach, and instead is part of the prayer campaign.

Then a guy on a bike passed me and shouted "Safe Sex!"

I didn't have a response. What?
My sign says "pray to end abortion." Somehow his statement didn't register as anywhere near the issue that I was trying to address. After the fact, I wanted to yell back, "Abstinence!" I had to laugh at myself though. I realized exactly how silly I was. First, I was hoping to be some "powerful witness," and I couldn't even engage in any kind of conversation. And secondly, I used to teach abstinence. If there's anything I might have actually been prepared for, you would think that would be it. Oh well.

It then came to me, this morning, just how much I needed to be emptied of "me" in my head and filled with the truth. It wasn't that I was necessarily wrong about the witness I was making - maybe that was a good and powerful thing. But the point was that my head was all wrong. The courage to stand there alone and keep praying and pacing and pacing and praying was a gift. I needed the Holy Spirit if I was going to be brave. What I needed was humility. The gift of being little, of knowing my own weakness, is the necessary precursor to boldness and fidelity to the truth. I couldn't do that if I wasn't a little child. If my Father wasn't protecting me and guiding me. If I didn't have the love and support and thousands of prayers of all the other people who were interceding for those people effected by abortion.

I don't know, I feel particularly inarticulate today, but I think the point should be obvious. Thinking I'm doing something great = fail. Realizing the Lord's goodness and power and trying to do something good even when I don't have much to offer = win. We want the win-mentality! The action of standing out there and the intention to proclaim the truth I believe in was still the same. But my spirit, my heart, they needed the mercy that comes in humility.

And this is exactly the truth for the rest of our lives. What can we fear, when we are humble? Have we not, by the very fact of a humble disposition, already acknowledged our total weakness and dependence on another? Yes, we have. And in doing so, there's nothing left to be robbed of. Rather, all that is left if this trust and abandonment to the Lord. And seeing as how he is all powerful, that means we can march bravely on. St. Therese and Bl. Mother Teresa and many other saints have said time and again that all of their courage and consistency came directly from their trust and reliance on the Lord, from their humility. And I think it's obvious that Our Lady, being totally and perfectly humble, is the greatest example of this. St. Paul reminds us that there is nothing we cannot do when it is within the love and power of God.

So rather than praying for courage, I will pray for humility. In being emptied, I can be filled. In being simple, He can be great. His greatness is infinite. Why hope in anything else?
If pride goes before a fall, humility certainly goes before a victory.

When your strength is not your own, but His, there is nothing to fear. Be humble, and have courage.

Pray. And then, pray some more.

It seems appropriate to follow up a semi-philosophical post (which needs further embellishment) with a semi-practical post.

Prayer.

Did you know the Catechism of the Catholic Church has four main sections, four "pillars"?
The first is the Creed, going through the main principles of the faith. Second is the Sacraments, teaching more fully about a life in the Church and in Christ, especially through the liturgy and the Eucharist. Third is "Life in Christ," a section on morality and the commandments, giving us guidelines on how to live in love of God and neighbor. And fourth is rather simple, Prayer. Some of the most beautiful passages of the Catechism (I believe) are in this section.

For example, CCC 2743 "It is always possible to pray: The time of the Christian is that of the risen Christ who is with us always, no matter what tempests may arise.³⁶ Our time is in the hands of God: It is possible to offer fervent prayer even while walking in public or strolling alone, or seated in your shop, . . . while buying or selling, . . . or even while cooking.^37"

St. John Chrysostom, one of the early Church Fathers, wrote that practical line of advice. It is possible to pray, always. It is necessary to pray always!

Let me share a few more beautiful points from the Catechism:
2739 For St. Paul, this trust is bold, founded on the prayer of the Spirit in us and on the faithful love of the Father who has given us his only Son. Transformation of the praying heart is the first response to our petition.
2740 The prayer of Jesus makes Christian prayer an efficacious petition. He is its model, he prays in us and with us. Since the heart of the Son seeks only what pleases the Father, how could the prayer of the children of adoption be centered on the gifts rather than the Giver?
2741 Jesus also prays for us - in our place and on our behalf. All our petitions were gathered up, once for all, in his cry on the Cross and, in his Resurrection, heard by the Father. This is why he never ceases to intercede for us with the Father. If our prayer is resolutely united with that of Jesus, in trust and boldness as children, we obtain all that we ask in his name, even more than any particular thing: the Holy Spirit himself, who contains all gifts.

There is a small system revealed here in these passages. Paul's prayer is one of confidence, of boldness. His heart is enflamed with courage and when he prays, he prays in faith, knowing he will be heard. Paul's boldness stems from a deep awareness of the prayer of Jesus. The Son gave the example for all. His prayer with the Father was intimate, personal, private, deep, healing, full, open, trusting, completely in love. This is what we then should seek to imitate. Moreover, Paul sees that after Christ's Ascension to the Father, the gift of the Holy Spirit is poured out upon the Church at Pentacost, and we are all now made sons and daughters of God in a special and unique way with Christ. That being said, Paul understands that we should not only imitate Christ's prayer because he is our perfect model, but we should pray with him, in his Spirit, because we have been given the gift of adopted sonship.
 
The point Paul is making is one that should leave us in awe.
God, the Father and Creator, decided to invite us into a relationship with him. Not just any relationship. One of a Father to his children. In Scripture, Jesus says, "What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?" (Luke 11:11-13) This is really radical.
 
I was just reading over some of Genesis last night, and this is what I read: "When the LORD saw how great was man's wickedness on earth, and how no desire that his heart conceived was ever anything but evil, he regretted that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was grieved. So the LORD said: 'I will wipe out from the earth the men whom I have created, and not only the men, but also the beasts and the creeping things and the birds of the air, for I am sorry that I made them.'" (Gen. 6:5-7) Does that not stop you in your tracks? How bitter. How very sad.
 
Now go from this to Christ! That same Father and Creator whose heart was grieved by man's wickedness would come and allow his whole self to be broken by our wickedness, and in reparation for our wickedness. Rather than a flood to kill us all once more, there was a flood of mercy and grace to kill sin. Christ on the Cross is the victory that no flood would offer.
 
So when we are invited to prayer, to life in the Holy Spirit, to a life in and with Christ, it is a life of communion with God. This means true conversation. This means open hearts. This means willingness to hear the good and the bad.

Sometimes I think about my own father (whom I love dearly) and how as a child there were some times I had no desire to hear what he had to say. Being admonished is not the best feeling. I'd prefer to go on thinking I was a good kid. I didn't want to face the facts when I messed up, on accident or on purpose. No one likes the proverbial wrist slap. But if I wouldn't take my father's admonishments, how could I accept his praise? What would the words of affirmation and approval mean, if they were not tempered with caution and correction? The one who loves, gives the truth. And there is no doubt that I was not always in the right. In fact, too often I thought my "wisdom" would protect me, and it was only my father's strength is challenging me when I was lazy or selfish or mean that broke through my false defenses. My father gave me love, and that meant the truth. I needed to receive his love. I needed to be able to hear his praise and happiness just as much as his guidance.

This is the same disposition we should have in prayer. How many times have I gone before the Lord and wanted to hear his voice, and have some form of consolation. But there has been a line. "Tell me anything Lord.... but not that." "Let's stay away from the vocational things, or the relationships I'm in, or the sins I can't seem to shake.." Right. That's called fear. That's called doubting the loving nature of God.  God IS LOVE. How can I doubt that? How can I doubt that he will bring truth to me? If it's hard to hear, it's hard to hear. That's life. I'm imperfect and that needs to be worked on. But can I really fear him? Can I really think he would ever do anything but lead me to his mercy? That's just silly. He is all mercy. "For equal to his majesty is the mercy that he shows," Sirach 2:18.

So it is vital that we pray, and pray often, and pray always, and to pray with an open heart, without fear, within trust. As St. Paul goes bravely forward in his prayer in imitation of Christ, so we must have confidence in the love of our Father in heaven.

The more we are able to enter into routine of prayer, the easier it will be to transcend into a meditative and adoring state. Whether through praying slowly and deeply with Scripture, or the Rosary, or with theological writings of the saints, or the Catechism, etc... we need to come to places each day where we can encounter the Lord in honesty and humility. Where we can say, "here I am, this is what I have." Where we can ask, "what would you ask of me? What can I do for you?" And where we can find the peace and courage to say, "Let it be done unto me according to your word."

I highly recommend reading the book "Holy Daring: The Fearless Trust of St. Therese of Lisieux."

In this book, John Udris reveals much of the same wisdom and guidance found in St. Paul's teaching on prayer that is also St. Therese's guidance.

Beyond that, two other prayer sources are a must. The first is Total Consecration to Mary, by St. Louis Marie DeMontfort. I cannot express the mercy that is contained in this practice of prayer. The preparation for consecration is 33 days of meditations and prayers concerning our own conversion and the mysteries of the life of Mary and Jesus. It is a process that you can renew every year (or more than once a year). It shares in that deep confidence of faith, knowing that you are totally giving yourself over to Christ's mother for her protection and intercession. Did he not do the same? The King of the universe chose her to be born from! He gave himself over to her, and the consecration to Mary is meant to honor him and draw us closer to him through her prayers and example.

The second is the Liturgy of the Hours, or the shorter version, Christian Prayer. It takes a little getting-used to as far as the format of the Hours goes, but this form of prayer is prayed around the world by Catholic priests and religious every day, and by many of the lay faithful who also participate. The prayers are beautiful, combining the Psalms, the New Testement, prayer petitions and simple prayers to lead us into a sense of deep gratitude for the love and goodness of God.

I encourage us all to take time for prayer! Make time for quiet, for stillness. Take time to know the one you love. Take time to know the one who loves you. Have you ever sat with the Lord as asked him, "Why do you love me?" Sounds a little unnerving, huh? Try it. Be with him, all the time, every day. Let him sit with you, calm you down, hold your hand, walk in stride with you. Talk to him. Pray without fear.

But the time, why is the time gone?

Truly, the blog gets neglected when all other things take form before my eyes as MUST BE DONE NOW. My life must be done, now. Sometimes that is a demand that simply cannot be ignored.

One thought I had recently was how very much we live (or attempt to live) as if we could ignore life. Or ignore certain truths about life. Or ignore basic principles about being alive.

Time is one of them. We are creatures. We cannot deny this. We try and try, but no matter how great our science is, we are still created. I've been through this before on this blog so I'm skipping all the reasoning for now.

Being created beings, in a created universe, that is governed by the coming and going of tides, the passing of days, the rising and setting of the sun, the aging process of our bodies, the surprising retention of memories and learning we possess as these days march on, it seems rather undeniable that we exist in time. It also seems obvious that by existing in time we are participating in time. Bringing something new to history, and taking something unique from it. We cannot control time, try as we might. Watches, timetables, timezones, time machines... nothing seems to have mastered it yet. Fountains of youth, elixirs and potions... even a stone. None of these have been able to stop the approach of death that is inevitable by virtue of being mortal.

It would seem that death is then some cruel curse that approaches slowly but steadily, always looking us in the eye while also creeping up behind us... never giving us a moments peace to live as if he wasn't there.

The funny thing is that death isn't all that terrible. Now, let's be clear, I haven't died. So I can only say that with a certain level of conviction. There are also many things in my life I have wished, after the fact, that I did not say. I would keep that thought on the table as I proceed. However, I don't write what I don't mean (mostly), so for now, I mean this.

Death isn't that terrible, and neither is pain. Suffering isn't the enemy. We certainly can make it the enemy, but it isn't the outright nemesis. The true evil is when we are corrupted. When we lose truth. When we let go of hope. When we take our suffering over our faith. When we'll have another dose of pain to kill the seed of love. When we prefer pity and consolation and compassion to honesty and growth. What we so often run from is the growth that is hand and hand with the suffering. Enduring it is one thing, overcoming another. We'll stand in the rain all day but we don't want to swim the channel. But we must.

Time, strong as it is, isn't giving us a choice here. No one likes to think they're coerced, but guess what? You are. You are forced to die. Stinks, huh? Well, actually I'd wager not really. I don't think it's a bad thing. Don't get me wrong - I'm not excited about death. I am excited about what I hope will greet me after death, but that's a different story. At this point, the thing to take away is that I have only discovered goodness to be the remnants of hardship. The times when it has been bitterness is when I have not allowed love in, and have chosen to stir up my hurt and malice because it's easier than forgiveness or mercy.

We don't have all the time in the world. People die. We should be quick to forgive, quick to show mercy, quick to love. What do we gain when we aren't compassionate? What do we get in self-centeredness? Nothing. Nothing worth writing home about. "Mom, I was so good at giving him the cold shoulder. He feels even more low now! Yay." Yay? Really? Gross, what's wrong with you. You sound like a screwed up person. Why?? Because that's not love, not human, not true and not good. There's no beauty there. Beauty that stirs the soul and brings us to new life, new hope... that beauty is in the moments of great forgiveness, of deep love, of acceptance and understanding even when it isn't "fair".

Anyway, I'm rambling. No surprise, I'm beat.
But time is there too. Time is calling my name to sleep, reminding me that I will meet it happily in an abyss of non-awareness, when I can let it all just be.

I want to challenge us to two things. 1. To shake off fear of suffering and death. They are not good of themselves. It is not good that people are hurt or lonely or abused or broken or forgotten, etc... That is sad and tragic. But the good that can be found in those things is when we allow love to conquer, to come in and transform, to move us to change, to give us new skin and a new heart. The harder the fight the better the victory. 2. To practice "being" in time more. We have a better concept of our relationship with time when we stop trying to kill it or control it. I love missions, when I have my phone turned OFF for 10 days. It's unthinkable here. I never turn off my phone. Why would I? But how great it is, to live free from the constraint of digital numbers. To look at the sky, guess the approximate time and decide it's time for lunch, or time for a bath, or time to sleep. How gentle the world seems when time is allowed to lead us. It's not as surprising when things are hard or when things are startling and beautiful. Time, when it's given permission to be it's own, moves us with such grace that everything is a gift.

I don't know if that makes sense, but think about it. I'm going to think about it more, because I think this is a vital lesson for the heart that hungers for peace.

I love October!

I apologize for the neglecting of worldAblaze this month thus far. I had a final for Nuptial Body, one of my classes, and that took priority. I also went to Connecticut for the weekend, which was wonderful :)

Anyway, October. The pre-cursor feast, The Archangels, is September 29.

 Then we begin with my favorite, St. Therese of Lisieux, on October 1.

Then October 2 is the Guardian Angels

and October 4 is St. Francis of Assisi.

Yesterday, October 5, was St. Faustina.

I rest my case.

What I wanted to briefly reflect on was the common thread running from each of these feasts to the next.
It is nothing but the abject love of Christ.

Do we realize this is the exact same invitation he has extended to us?
What made Therese able to suffer through so much pain, to experience rejection and lonliness and confusion and doubt, and still remain at peace? What enabled Francis to cast off all the things of this world and devote himself so fully to the Lord that his very body revealed the depth of love in his heart for Christ on the cross?
What lead Faustina to such a sincere devotion to Our Lord that she would bear his message of Mercy to all who would have ears to hear about the truth of God's love?

The only answer I can find is radical. Radical love. Love that is consuming. "Who of us can live with the consuming fire?" says Isaiah 33:14. Truly. How can we live without it? How can we ever exist outside of him?

I challenge us all, myself above all, to pray. We need to be in communion. We need to be still and silent. If I cannot kneel before him and hear his voice teaching me about his mercy, how will I have the courage to share it with others? How will I even have the courage to go to confession? If I do not believe in hope, how can I posses it? Faith comes first. Faith that cannot be stemmed. Faith that will not accept limitations. Faith that believes the Word of God, that takes him at his Word, at his life. Can we do that? Will we? We must.

We are his children. My goodness, the number of times when I was little and my dad would say to me, "do this" or "no you can't go" and not give a reason! The times I would hound him, following him everywhere, just saying, "why?!" over and over. I wanted to know what he knew. I wanted to be sure I could trust his judgement. Little did I understand how wise he was. Little could I perceive what he could see, the fullness of his understanding. Nor did I know his love. If I had understood his love, I don't think I would have needed a reason at all.

We must strive to know his love. And then, like these beautiful saints, we must strive to throw ourselves into his arms and allow his strength to be our strength, his life our life, his love our love.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place all our trust in you.